A photo posted by Negro Bandito (@supr3m3_un3ak) on Sep 20, 2016 at 5:02pm PDT

I'd like to think there's a little bit of a hopeless romantic in all of us, but it turns out grand gestures may have gone the way of, well, last week's lunch. A recent marriage proposal picked up by Capp Street Crap appears to ask why shout your love from the rooftops when you can spray paint it on the side of a porta-potty — in this case by literally spray painting it on the side of a porta-potty.

"Maria Marry me," reads the silver paint on the side of the blue defecation-shed. "Move in. Fidel."

And while we assume Fidel isn't suggesting Maria move into the United-brand portable toilet with him, that he chose such a location to profess his love has got to be a bad sign for their blossoming romance. I mean, I guess he could have tagged the side of a funeral home, but there aren't too many worse options.

Either way, we wish Fidel and Maria the best. After all, Fidel didn't deliver an engagement ring via drone, which, really, would have been a truly shit move.

Related: Photo: Bay To Bridal Shower

"Roses are red, violets are blue, and we'll send them both to your girlfriend for you." Okay, while not in those exact words, that's the basic pitch behind a suite of services such as "Better Boyfriend" that target the young straight men of San Francisco, a set of truly hopeless romantics — and not in the positive sense.

The brainchild of 27-year-old finance consultant and Harvard graduate Dan Sullivan, Better Boyfriend has more than 350 members according to coverage in the Guardian. Each month, the home delivery subscription service emails them about seven gift and activity recommendations, from chocolates and tea sets to picnic baskets and in-home massage credits. Sullivan's three-person team delivers the unbranded, unlabeled gifts to boyfriends. At around $70 per month for the subscription, depending on the gifts selected, that nets Better Boyfriend roughly $17,000 in monthly revenue.

"BetterBoyfriend hit something,” Sullivan told the Guardian. “It’s a pain point everyone has.” So far his customers include friends in finance and tech, one of whom writes by way of a testimonial that, "The picnic basket was awesome! I had it fully stocked as soon as she woke up on Saturday and we had brunch in the park! Thank you!"

If you're the type to shop around, Fortune points out another, soon-to-launch service, the Gentleman App. "Gents, let's face it, we're not the best at relationships," reads that site. "It’s time you let a professional take over the date planning and daily affirmations." How does that work? "All of the dates are planned by real people who are deeply familiar with your city, so you get the most authentic experience. Complete your survey and we'll connect you with a real person to better understand your dating needs. " And girlfriends, take note — you can secretly sign your man up for the Gentleman App — you know, if you don't want to just cut out the middleman and buy yourself gifts.

San Francisco's hetero-bro population doesn't have a reputation for Lothario-like prowess in the first place, so if you don't have anyone for whom you need automated gift deliveries just yet, worry not. You might consider services aimed at scoring dates and relationships. Last year, Business Insider introduced us to Introverted Alpha, a loal dating consultancy. "My clients are usually guys in their late 20s," said Jones, "Most of my clients are very good looking and social, but they have built up all this tension around this one thing, and they don't want to be creepy and weird." Introverted Alpha pitches itself as an alternative to the more troubling Pick Up Artist macho approach: "You can attract women without being someone you’re not," the website advises.

While more secure types might have no problem admitting they sought professional guidance or outsourced gifts, there are potential problems for those less willing to disclose their secret hired gift elves. An early package from Better Boyfriend, for example, included a receipt with Sullivan's name, rather than the boyfriend in question. ‘Listen dude she’s not mad but Cynthia found out," that boyfriend wrote to Sullivan. Perhaps better discretion is called for as these services gain market share. And/or there are going to be a lot more women shrugging and admitting to their friends, "My boyfriend hired an app to send me stuff because he is lazy and otherwise lacks imagination, but at least he's spending money on me and I'm just waiting for that ring, amirite?"

All previous volumes of Eff-ing In SF.

You already know about the 3D printed roses. Now it's time for the real deal. Two SF startups, Bloom That and ThirdLove will team up this Valentine's Day to offer a Valentine's packages for SF residents only. The romantic bundles includes Bloom That's signature bouquets in recycled burlap as well as a ThirdLove gift card (so she can get perfect-fitting lingerie), delivered by Bloom That's bike messengers.

For those not in the know, ThirdLove uses a few G-rated images from your smartphone to figure out perfectly-sized lingerie. What's more, it was recently named one of the "Best New Apps" in the App Store. Fancy.

Order today, get it to your loved one(s) by Friday.

Previously: For Valentine's Day: 3D Printed Roses
For Valentine's Day: Extreme Box Of Chocolates [sold out]

Seeing as how the first singles dinner was such a success, Marcia Gagliardi (AKA Tablehopper) will host yet another dinner, this time for gay gentleman looking for love (or lust). But no pressure, boys. It will be a casual, cool affair with top-notch grub and bottle after bottle of choice wine.

Around 40 gay men will have an opportunity to meet, mingle, and have a sit-down dinner at MKT this Thursday. "A mash-up of speed dating and a wine tasting and a partay," is how she describes it. Executive chef Mark Richardson and restaurant chef Chris Aguirre will prepare the menu especially for the night. Here's the menu per Gagliardi's description :

During the welcome reception, there will be a Charbay cocktail with hand-passed appetizers like seasonal soup shots, gougères, and a Margherita pizza. During the tablehop event, you will have sparkling wine with MKT’s fantastic uni and soft-scrambled egg; 2011 Four Vines Naked Chardonnay and heirloom tomatoes with burrata; the 2011 BEX Nahe Riesling with fried green tomatoes; the newly released 2011 Alto Cinco Old-Vines Spanish garnacha with MKT’s superlative steak tartare (it’s really really good); the 2010 Maverick Amador County zinfandel with the MKT duck fat burger (uh-huh); the 2011 Avalon California cabernet with the BBQ prime beef short rib and Brentwood corn; oh yes, and Charbay’s lush Pomegranate Dessert Wine with the rhubarb, raspberry, and cardamom cheesecake. Hubba! (If you have some dietary restrictions, please let us know in advance—there is also a vegetarian option available.)

So, more or less, it's a downtown dinner for fun yet gastronomic gay dudes. Or any guys who dig other guys, really. Just be fun, be yourself.

The event (happening this Thursday!) is 21 and over only. It will run from 7pm-9:45pm. Tickets are $95. But can you put a price tag on love, marriage, and visions of adopted Romanian babies? No, you cannot. Because this opportunity at meeting Mr. Tiffany's Wedding Ring With Encrusted Black Diamonds is priceless.

Tickets can be purchased here.

What: It's Time for the Second Tablehopper Singles Event! (Gay Men)
Where: MKT Restaurant - Bar, Four Seasons, fifth floor, 757 Market (at Third), S.F.
When: Thursday, September 12,
Time: 7pm-9:45pm

If you don't know how many budding, under-appreciated writers there are out there in the world, simply turn to Craigslist on any given day, and you might stumble on a few gems like this one. In the Castro district of San Francisco, one young man just broke up with his "entitled, Ivy-League educated asshole" of a boyfriend, and he would like to cleanse all memories of him by selling off a nice mattress for cheap.

It is a truism that heartbreak often produces our best work.

To wit:

It's a plush queen-sized Simmons Beautyrest. It's three years old, and feels like you're sleeping on a fucking cloud - even when you're unknowingly sleeping next to a lying cheater. In a bad relationship and have to lie next to the constant reminder that you didn't go to grad school so that you could move and get engaged? Then this is the bed for you, it will get you to fucking REM and for 6-8 hours every night you'll forget that you're sleeping next to a sociopath. There are no stains, and this thing hasn't seen action in a while.

Also, he's not going to help you get it out of his apartment. "You figure it out... Not a deal-breaker, but it would help immensely if you looked like my ex as I would love to see an entitled, Ivy-League educated asshole struggle with this thing. But totally not necessary."

See the full ad here, and screencapped for posterity below. (Click to enlarge)

[Craigslist]

Dinner and a movie are done. This is San Francisco, folks. While you might not be able to afford dinner, you can afford to get creative. Here are a handful of our favorite inventive date destinations in the city. (Make sure to invite us to your wedding after one of these romantic ideas help seal the deal. You're welcome.)

Sunset Lands End stroll
Start at the Golden Gate Bridge in the late afternoon and follow the 3.5 mile walking path westward through the woods of the Presidio and the mansions of Sea Cliff to the Legion of Honor and the Lands End Lookout. If you've got time before the sun goes down, explore the ruins and caves around the Sutro Baths or grab a martini at the Cliff House. If the fog rolls in, politely suggest catching a bus down Clement Street for a warming bowl of Pho or shabu shabu. (Also makes for a pleasant walk in the daytime, sunset not necessary.)

Bernal Hill
The top of the hill in Bernal Heights is an unsung gem of the city. And given that it takes some travel to get there, and is decidedly more off the beaten path than, say, Twin Peaks, makes it an ideal makeout spot, especially on a clear and non-windy night. We'd suggest bringing along some mulled wine, or port, or a nice Chianti.

Billy Goat Hill swingin lifestyle. (Photo: Allan M. / Yelp)

Billy Goat Hill
This quiet Noe Valley/Glen Park hill is the neighborhood's best kept secret. With excellent views and less broken glass than Tank Hill, its Twin Peaks counterpart, Billy Goat Hill has been a destination for kids, and lovers, for decades. Try the death-defying rope swing for extra thrills, if you dare.

View from the elevator at the Westin St. Francis. (Photo: Wally Gobetz)

Riding the elevators at Westin St. Francis
The glass elevators at the Westin St. Francis is a perfect spot to catch a view of the city. Even better if you or your date is scared -- but not too scared -- of heights. And when the elevator hits the top, that's your cue to shove tongues together with high-flying, reckless abandon.
335 Powell (at Geary)

The patio at Bar Bocce. (Photo credit: Andy Proehl)

Take a ferry to brunch
Everyone loves brunch and everyone loves boats, so grab coffee at the Ferry Building and hop on a Ferry to Sausalito or Tiburon and make a whole day of it. In Sausalito, we like Bar Bocce for pitchers of Sangria and smoked salmon pizza on the waterfront patio, a short walk away from the touristy hustle of the main drag. In Tiburon, skip the yacht party scene at Sam's and head for a low-key benedict at New Morning Cafe.

And the band played on. (Photo: Bob Horowitz)

The Tonga Room
Perhaps it's on some of your radars, but honestly, it's a swell place for a second date. You could grab a bite in Chinatown and then head here for an over-sweet, bastardized Tiki drink. Watch the band play on the floating stage, stay for one round of the fake thunderstorm, and then head down the hill to Smuggler's Cove for a real Tiki drink.
950 Mason (at California)

(Photo: David Gallagher)

Musee Mechanique
On a date is the only way to unironically visit the city's celebrated antique penny arcade. You've always been meaning to go, right? Unless your new beau is a big fan of hitting all the tourist spots in town (potential dealbreaker!), chances are they haven't been yet either. Five bucks will keep you both entertained for at least an hour. If you're feeling peckish, skip the market stalls and sourdough bowls as you seek out the Codmother and share a basket of fish and chips. Since you're already in the neighborhood, go grab an Irish Coffee at Buena Vista Café and hop a cable car back over the hill to Union Square. (Pro-Tip: They tend to be less slammed with tourists later on in the night.)

View from Treasure Island (Photo: dannebrog)

Treasure Island
Much like Bernal Hill, this would be a great alternative makeout spot for a night when it's not too cold on the Bay. You've got stunning, incomparable views of the skyline, and you won't see a ton of traffic here since most people don't choose to cross a bridge in order to make out. Thus, your date will appreciate the extra effort. See above for beverage suggestions. But don't drink and drive, obviously.

Gay or straight, there's lots to do in the Castro. (Photo: Kimberly Panian)

If you're straight, go to the Castro
The guy will definitely hold your hand, ladies. By and large, straight men subconsciously freak the fuck out in the Castro, no matter how liberal-minded they are. It's true. Don't believe us? Clock the rampant heterosexual hand-holding the next time you're cruising the Castro. It's like a disease.

"Make it one for the road, and one for my baby..." (photo: Erik Wilson)

If all else fails, just drink at the bar until the two of you pass out
Sure to make a good "how we met" story to tell your grandchildren or when you share at a future AA meeting.

Jay Barmann, Andrew Dalton, Rose Garrett, and Brock Keeling contributed to this guide.

Before today's Giants-Dodgers game, this cool couple stood before the eyes of God (and Willie Mays) to wed outside AT&T Park today. The bride wore a lovely gown and carried a gorgeous yet appropriately orange-tinted bouquet, while the groom sported a harlequin Giants-colored jacket. (If ONLY he had Matt Cain's pants to pair with it!)

Shortly after exchanging "I do"s, someone form the crowd shouted "Beat LA," much the the delight of everyone -- wedding party included. Almost makes you forget about the Giants landing in 4th place. Almost. Anyway, here are some images from today's nuptials under he Willie Mays statue.

Best of luck to the cool couple!

We love being #1 on any list, and we do know that S.F can be romantical, especially after one too many cocktails. But we're calling shenanigans on this list by not-an-escort-site but totally-probably-an-escort-site MissTravel.com that puts San Francisco at the top for most "romantic" cities in North America.

According to TIME, MissTravel ranked cities by looking at the 24,340 trips planned between June 1 and August 31 of this year and identifying the most popular rendezvous destinations. Now to be clear, MissTravel is a site that matches "generous travelers" (i.e. sugar daddys) with "attractive travelers" (i.e. pretties that want to travel for free with said sugar daddy, in exchange for their attractive companionship).

More on that from MissTravel's website:

Attractive Travelers are adventurous and open minded people who love to travel, but lacks the budget to do so. As such, you are looking to meet Generous members who are willing to pay for you to travel, or gift you frequent flyer miles which may be redeemed for free flights on all major airlines.

Generous Travelers are generous members who are seeking to travel with a beautiful companion, and who are willing to pay for all travel expenses. Generous Travelers can use our website for free. Pay only when you decide to communicate with any Attractive Traveler.

When registering, members can select "Come to Me" if you wish for someone to travel to your home city, or "Show Me Your Town" if you want to visit someone at his/her home city. It's unclear how many of the preplanned dates that rocketed S.F. to the top of the list were out-of-towners hitting the city for its romantic views and clean sheets or locals looking for high-paying dates, but the implication is clear: San Francisco is on people's minds as the prime spot to get fancy "companionship". Huzzah?

[TIME]
[MissTravel]

Are you a "successful, busy professional with limited time to plan your romantic dates"? If you're somehow too busy to figure out where your favorite bar or restaurant is located or what to order once you're there, a new dating service called Datebook is for you.

The newly launched service is the brainchild of Melissa Edwards and Jessica Vasquez, who say it's "Marina girl approved". What a relief. They've set up their service to give men who can't be bothered to plan their dates the appearance of having made an effort, from restaurant reservations to gifts and flowers. "Dorky tech guys" and FiDi types are their target market, and 'You get all the credit' is their winky tagline.

Why can't that thoughtless lug you're trying to date do it himself? “Guys don’t plan or think ahead," Edwards told SF Magazine. "They’ll show up to a new restaurant without a reservation or take you somewhere generic like the Tipsy Pig.”

Ugh. Good luck with that dude, ladies.

[SF Mag]
[Datebook]

Well, this is a nice surprise, isn't it? A Bay to Breakers runner proposed to his girlfriend during Sunday's race. According to photographer Erik Wilson, who snapped the above pic, this was a real marriage proposal.

Did she say yes? Wilson reports, "It was a marriage proposal. She said yes and off they ran, hopefully to live happily ever after. Certainly not something I would do, but whatever works, I guess."

Indeed. Hey, cute couple, we have a few questions to ask you! If the mood should strike, contact brock@sfist.com. We have only endearing and heart-warming questions to ask. And congratulations and best wishes to the both of you!

Earlier this month, Facebook employee JP pulled off a coordinated social media/real life stunt proposal by enlisting friends, coworkers and his Twitter-employee-girlfriend's Facebook stalking habits to successfully sneak up on her in Dolores Park and pop the question in front of friends, family and everyone on gay beach. Naturally, the whole thing has been documented for YouTube:

To briefly summarize the plan, after a day of wandering through the Dogpatch and Mission Districts of San Francisco, we found ourselves "unexpectedly" meeting our friends at Dolores Park. What the video doesn't capture is that immediately after I stepped away from the group, three of her coworkers bombed her phone with tweets telling her to watch a video. The rest is history.

The video is one-part Zero Dark Thirty and one part commercial for Facebook's (occasionally creepy) Social Search engine, but there's something about seeing a new bride-to-be have the everliving crap scared out of her by a boyfriend with a ring (on a nice day in the park, no less) that should warm up even the coldest spinster hearts. Newly engaged Genevieve even blogged about the most epic day of her life.

Epilogue: everyone goes for a big engagement party on the patio of Mission Bowling Club.

[YouTube]

The annual tradition of holding massive pillow fight in Justin Herman Plaza on Valentine's Day brought out all sorts of festive and costumed types. This year's winner? They guy who brought his childhood (we hope it was from his childhood) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles pillowcase.

Check out these scene shot my photog blarfiejandro, and view the footage of the group pillow pounding below. Enjoy.

If you are currently in a relationship, kudos to you, and you may stop reading now. Seriously. Get out.

Okay, now that it's just us single ladies and dudes, allow us just to say, Hey, friends. It's going to be a fine day. No need to get all maudlin, or aggressively anti-Hallmark-holiday about this. Your couple friends are all going to go off and do the boring, requisite things that society has convinced them they must do today to validate their unions, spending money on lame prix fixes and depressing boxes of chocolate. But you have your freedom! The world remains replete with possibility, and the love you will eventually find will be so far superior to all these compromises your friends have made that you'll look back on these lonelier days and laugh. You will laugh loudly and feel wistful about the fact that you ever believed the universe was anything but generous.

But, for now, allow us to do our BuzzFeed-y best and suggest a few things that you absolutely should not do tonight if you know what's good for you. In the interest of preserving your dignity and self-respect, listen closely.

Do Not...

A. Wander a Bookstore By Yourself
Books are amazing, marvelous things. We love books. We hope that reading culture will thrive in the digital age. However now is not the time to go shopping for a new book. You will not find love in that bookstore, you will only find sadness, and people with cathair-covered clothing.

B. Drink By Yourself in an Unfamiliar Place
Let us clarify that drinking by oneself this evening is perfectly acceptable. Nay, it's encouraged. But doing so outside the comfort of one's home, or in a bar you don't frequent where they do not know your name or your emergency contact information, is asking for trouble. At the very least, you should have a friend with you to crack jokes/drown sorrows/pick up the pieces.

Photo: ilovememphis

C. Post Anything on Facebook Whilst (or After) Drinking
That dastardly Facebook iPhone app has made drunken status updates all too tempting and easy, but we cannot stress this enough. Say nothing to your Facebook peanut gallery. Everything that needs to be said can wait until morning when you have a clearer head. Any deep thoughts you have about the idiocy of this holiday, or the people you just passed on the street with their arms interlocked looking intoxicated with their own bliss should be kept to yourself. No one needs to cringe reading something that you think sounds funny and self-deprecating but actually reads as deeply pathetic.

Photo: SimonQ

D. Dine at a Table for One
Who does this? No one. The occasional headstrong older female with her Kindle, perhaps, but not on V-Day. If you must eat out, you can find a convivial bar at which to sit, preferably one where they know you. (See above.)

Photo: Admond

E. Seek Out an Online Hookup
Whether it be OK Cupid, Grindr, or Craigslist, this is not a night for putting out a call for Valentine's Day BJs, or whathaveyou. Tonight is a night for porn. Porn, whiskey, and perhaps a few episodes of Archer. Any hooking up you need to do, like updating your Facebook status, can absolutely wait until tomorrow. And we don't think we need to tell you that this is not a night for first dates, no matter how above-it-all you think you may be. This is Valentine's Day. No one needs that pressure, or that bizarre, sentimental framework for a first date. It won't make for a good story. You're kidding yourself if you think it's going to be totally cool. Just do not do it. For the love of god. Please.