A man with a "multistate criminal history" has another item for his rap sheet, after he allegedly took a huge piss on the cabin floor of a plane shortly after it left San Francisco International Airport.

Officials don't know what 28-year-old Ludlow, Kentucky resident Jordan Robert Gardner (that's him on the right, in what looks like a casting shot for Justified, but is actually an undated booking photo provided by the North Carolina's Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department) was doing in the Bay Area last week, but it's clear that he ended his visit with a bang!

After what he described as "only" two double shots of vodka at a bar at SFO, Gardner boarded a Charlotte-bound plane Saturday night. That's when the trouble began. According to an affidavit filed by the FBI and reported by the Charlotte Observer, about an hour later Gardner "pulled his pants down, arched his back, and urinated on the floor of the airplane."

"The passenger sitting next to Gardner summoned a flight attendant, who saw Gardner pulling up his pants." Even though the deed had clearly been done, she sent him to the bathroom, where she found him passed out on its floor 15 minutes later.

"The flight attendant tried to clean the urine with club soda, but it still smelled when the plane landed at Charlotte Douglas," the Observer reports.

When the plane landed at 7:45 a.m. local time on Sunday, Charlotte-Mecklenburg police were there to greet him, and reported that they "could still smell alcohol on his breath 11 hours after the flight took off."

Then again, maybe it wasn't booze after all, as the FBI says that Gardner blamed the alcohol smell on "the gum he was chewing." Ah, yes, "Violent Vodka" Hubba Bubba! I know it well.

According to the FBI, Gardner has charges and arrests in multiple states "for things such as battery, trespassing, auto theft, passing bad checks, being under the influence and vandalism." And now he has a new one: A criminal complaint of destruction of aircraft, for which he will appear in Mecklenburg County court on Thursday.

A JetBlue airplane made a "hard landing" at Sacramento International Airpot this afternoon around 1 p.m. after "blowing two tires, sparking a small fire and causing minor injuries."

According to reports, "A passenger who was on the plane told KOVR-TV that when it landed he heard a bang and then the plane stopped suddenly."

"We were then told to start evacuating very abruptly, you know 'Get out! Get out! Get out!'" said "Elvis," the passenger in question. "I looked back under the plane, and it was on fire, and all four tires were out."

The plane made the emergency landing shortly after 1 p.m. In a written statement, according to AP, JetBlue says,"the plane appeared to experience trouble with its brake," which caused the early afternoon emergency.

A total of 15 people were inured. The Airbus SAS A320, coming in from Long Beach, Calif., carried 86 passengers and five crew members.

Not three feet from our chair was a woman lying on the floor, passed out with blood oozing from the back of her head. Janet, who was traveling to Canada, had passed out, and on her way down hit the back of her head on the corner of the beverage cart. Ouch! When her husband came to see what was going on, Janet had regained consciousness and felt ready to try to stand up. Unfortunately, as Janet was standing up, she fainted again, this time hitting her elbow on said beverage cart.

The flight attendants were freaking out a little, understandably, but did a very nice job calming everyone else on the plane. As the inevitable announcement was made over the loudspeaker ("If there are any doctors or nurses on board...") we expected at least half a dozen medical personnel to flock to the back of the plane. But alas, the sound of crickets could be heard as we soared thousands of feet above the ground.

This morning at around 11:30 a.m., two people were seen standing on top of a single-engine A35 plane that crashed into SF Bay.

The plane went down near (and, thankfully, not into) the San Mateo-Hayward Bridge. As of now the extent of the victims' injuries are unknown, but seeing as how they managed to climb atop the wreckage, we're going to say that they're fine, or at least very, very tough. (Will update with their conditions when we know more.)

CBS 5 says that, "according to the FAA, the Beechcraft plane is registered to Joe Fagan out of Show Low, Ariz." And we can only assume that he was coming up here to either protest the war, or boast his way boss Jacko moves.

-- Gay Geeks Saturday Night Social: "Fucking faggots," you scream? Ah, correction: "fucking nerd faggots," is more like it. Queers (not just Marys) who like to "geek out on the arts or science, study old plane crashes,... the myth of the American cowboy or how to make graphs more efficient for displaying data," this is the night for you. Come! Starts at 8 p.m. at Muddy's Coffeehouse, 1304 Valencia; free.

-- Lights Out SF: Turn 'em off, kids. Between 8 p.m. and 9 p.m., anyway. But be sure to head over to Dolores Park to see the stars and party 'til the lights come back on. Goes from 5:30 p.m. to 9 p.m. at Dolores Park; free.

-- The Afro Joint: DJs Said and Vanka throw down the stoney Afro beats tonight at one of San Francisco most underrated clubs, 222 Club. Goes from 9 p.m. - 2 a.m.; $5-7.

-- The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters (2007): "In 2003, 35-year-old family man Steve Wiebe, after losing his job at Boeing, found solace in Donkey Kong" -- well, who hasn't? -- and went on to score a thought-to-be-impossible 1,000,000 points. Screens at 4 p.m., 7:15, and 9:15 at Red Vic; $5-8.50.

Step right up and see the world's largest passenger jet...in your very own backyard!

This story has saturated the news this morning, but these kind of items (along with anti-vertical growth rhetoric) always make us feel as if San Francisco is veering back toward some sort of home-of-the-world's-largest-tomato quaint-ism.

Aaanyway, the big ol' plane made its way to SFO to see if the airport could handle such girth, deal with the operations of the A380 double decker jet, properly shun Marine soldiers who might be riding in it, etc.

To see more images of its massiveness, go here.

Image credit: Thomas Lohnes/AFP/Getty Images

This morning, SFO crews found a dead body lodged in the wheel well of the nose of a United plane coming in from Shanghai. It might have been a stowaway.

A woman was arraigned in Denver yesterday, after getting arrested on Monday for beating her kids on a Frontier Air flight that took off from SFO. Witnesses report that she seemed intoxicated on the flight, was yelling and hitting the kids, and then threw a drink at a flight attendant and then followed the attendant into the aisle while yelling and pointing. This lady's got our vote for the SF Board of Supes!

And we've got a new airline flying in! Starting today, you can start buying tickets on Virgin Air from SFO to LAX (starting at $44) or JFK (starting at $139). Flights to Dulles and Vegas are forthcoming.

Last night’s crash killed all of its 180-plus passengers onboard.

Man, we were reading the Chron on the plane out of San Francisco on July 4 for vacation, balling our fists in frustration over missing the stories on Ed Jew's "part-time lover" response to the City Attorney's allegations AND the story about Aaron Peskin's zinger to Dianne Feinstein about her strange letter complaining about Chris Daly. No fair! (but thank you, SFist Jer, for covering it for us while we were gone!)

Well, even if we were out, it doesn't mean you were -- eagle-eyed commenter suckafree passed along the following intriguing link: . The DALY blog?? And not with an sfgov.org address...? Could it be.... Dare we hope....? YES! District 6's finest, Supervisor Chris Daly, has finally moved his online rantings and ravings to a non-city server (because he received a 46-page complaint (.pdf) from political ethics attorney to the stars Jim Sutton about it).

Click on to read Chris Daly's latest salvo to Gavin Newsom: in which Daly says Newsom "has problems thinking on his feet," says "dude can't even defend himself," and, most damningly, calls Newsom a "lightweight [even] during his heavy drinking days" and mocks his choice of fermented beverage. Yow! (Also, Daly makes fun of a typo in Dianne Feinstein's signature line in her letter to Peskin.)

And we've saved the best for last! Daly's turned on his comments function at his new site. Go and give Chris a piece of your mind! (either positive or negative.)

Passengers reported there was no food or water and no information about the delay, while Cathay Pacific claimed everyone was happy and sleeping like lambs. They did let some folks off at around 4 a.m. to get juice, but only 50 people left. (You know the other 350 people were like, "as soon as I leave, this plane is taking OFF!").

And, because we can't do anything without mentioning Oh No Ed Jew around here, we'd like to note: we this is probably the flight Tapioca Ed took on his escape to China last month. Ed could have just gone home to Burlingame if this were him!