You have, well, two entire days to fill out and return your application to become a torchbearer for the San Francisco leg of the Beijing 2008 Olympic Torch Relay. The San Francisco relay -- which is entitled, dear Christ, "A Sustainable Journey" -- is the only North American stop on the Olympic Torch Relay, which will make the sporty flame's U.S. visit that more special to us in the Bay Area. Or not. In......

We stole this column idea from Stephen Colbert -- but goodness, a lot of people are attacking Newsom these days, aren't they? Here's today's list! (The Guardian's keeping a list too.) Ross Mirkarimi!: Ross says that Gavin has been "hoisted by his own petard," in response to mayoral minder Peter Ragone's statements that Mirkarimi is only pushing the foot patrol issue so he (Ross) can run for mayor against Newsom. Ross said the Newsom......

Is everyone sitting down? And yes we realize that's a stupid question considering that you're all reading this at the computer so of course you're sitting down, but run with it. Anyways, we have some big, big news to relate to you: SF has been chosen to represent the U.S. for the 2016 Olympics! Or at least, that's what all the headlines say. The reality is that we're merely still in the running along with LA and Chicago as Houston and Philadelphia were dropped from consideration. Wah...wah...sucks to be you. ...

For those rooting for the Bay Area's 2016 Olympic bid, today is a big day as the Bay Area Olympic committee, or BAOC ("Didn't get to bed last night/Oh, the way the paper bag was on my knee/Man, I had a dreadful flight..."), will present to the US Olympic Committee their bid to host the Olympics. And leading the charge in today's meeting will be Gavin His Ownself, hoping that just his meer aura will see us through. ...

It's finally time to get off the couch and get back to work. That's right, the Olympics are over, nothing went horribly wrong, everybody was smitten with being at the sites of the original games, and Team USA cleaned up (with medals - EssEffist knows what you're thinking). And as you all know, we here in the Bay Area love our weird Olympics sports - and the not so weird ones, too. First of all, EssEffist would like to point out that we've been rooting for Andre Ward since day one, when no one gave him a chance against the powerful boxers from the former USSR. He'll be bringing back the first individual gold for Oakland since 1968. We've also highlighted the story of Tammy Crow, synchronized swimmer, recently convicted of vehicular manslaughter - with her help, the team managed a bronze, remarkable considering she'll soon start having to serve her ninety-day sentence. All told, Olympians with Bay Area connections managed to win seven golds, five silvers and four bronze medals - tying host Greece for 17th place in the medal standings. EssEffist would like to point out that San Francisco has never had the opportunity to host the Olympics. Come on, International Olympic Committee, we have a great climate for athletics, all the facilities for watersports you could ever want, and we love Santiago Calatrava! I'm looking at the members of the National Social Register, EssEff chapter, to come up with some of that bribe money for 2016....

Well, here’s a weird Olympics story. Team USA synchronized swimmer Tammy Crow, based out of Santa Clara, will be competing on tonight’s taped telecast. (No, we won’t spoil it for you, but just to warn, some of the articles linked here might). However, after Crow gets back, she's doing 90 days in jail in Tuolomne County, right by Yosemite. Her sentence starts on October 25....