-- Really? At Union Square? Where we sit and enjoy our Border's-bought cream cheese stuffed pretzel? Let's back up a bit: according to SF Crime, a 16-year-old boy was shot while kicking it in the Union Square area at around 9:30 p.m. on Friday night. "A bullet struck the teen in the ankle and he was transported to San Francisco General Hospital in stable condition" just 30 minutes after SFPD responded to yet another......

For those of you who don't care what happens to Pam and Jim: -- 49ers Fan Night: Biggest 49ers fan ever, Bevan Dufty, invites you to celebrate football. In the Castro. 49ers alumni stars will be present, and Gold Rush cheerleaders will be on hand to sign calendars. In the Castro. Sounds like a homerun kind of night! Goes from 7 p.m.-9 p.m. at Mix, 4086 - 18th Street (at Castro); free. -- Circle,......

-- YouTubed: Dramatic Prairie Dog, mildly-retarded South Carolinian, and more of your favorite YouTube memes get the stage treatment as Strange Prescription Productions reenacts some of your favorite clips. Curtain goes up at 8 p.m. at the Climate Theatre, 285 - Ninth Street (at Folsom); $10. -- Brainstorm (1983): Sci-fi flick was Natalie Wood's last movie -- before she drowned off the coast of Catalina, a death still reeking of mystery -- screens tonight......

-- Peter Bjorn & John: That damn hipster cum first-dance-at-your-wedding song! Grrr. But if that's your bag, have at it. Show starts tonight at 8 p.m. at the Warfield, 982 Market; $25-$28. -- DJ Deezel and Another Jerk: Rock steady, punk, clever hits, dance-y tunes, and more flood the dance floor tonight -- plus comedy open-mike in the back room! -- starting at 9 p.m. at Annie's Social Club, 917 Folsom (at Fifth Street);......

-- Jonathan Coulton: "Code Monkey" has gained a heavy, cult-of-nerd following. Yay! Join the club tonight at 9 p.m. at Great American Music Hall, 859 O'Farrell; $18. -- The Legend of Billie Jean (1985): And with the power of conviction? There is no sacrifice. The situation? It's a do or die. No one knew that better than Billie Jean Davy. Screens at midnight at the Castro Theatre, Castro and Market Streets; $10. -- Craig......

-- "Zombie Prom": Halloween approaches, and soon Walgreen's and Rite-Aids will start stocking fun-size 100 Grand and Lik-M-Sticks. But until that glorious day arrives, check out this Zombie-themed dance club night in SOMA. DJs Glamtasm, Dire Delorean, and the Reverend Dusty Danger spin psychobilly, surf, garage, dark glam, rock, and more. The dead rise at 9:30 p.m. at Club Hide, 280 Seventh Street (at Folsom); $15 if dressed in prom or zombie-ish attire, or......

coarse language = a wee bit NSFW -- The Boys in the Band: Mart Crowley's work, which takes place one night during a birthday party, details what happens to the gays after leaving the 18- to 25-year-old demographic, with twink rage aging into fine bitterness. Really, it's the most accurate depiction of gay men, ever. Screens tonight at 7 p.m. at -- where else? -- the Castro Theatre, Castro & Market Streets; $6-$9. --......

Sara Bareilles (Bar - rell - is) -- summer's hottest, as they say, new singer/songwriter -- has gained a broad fan base throughout the U.S. via her extensive touring and #1 selling album, Little Voice, on iTunes, resulting in an impressive debut on Billboard's Top 200 Album Chart at #45. Praised by critics for its depth and honesty, even Rolling Stone raved "Bareilles' writing voice is uniquely her own." Luckily, we were introduced to......

-- Metropolis (1927): Set in 2027, "the thinkers" and "the workers" overlap, shooting off a million theses and dissertations for years to come. Fritz Lang's gorgeous, science-fiction masterpiece. Oh, and there's a sexy robot in it. Oh my. Film Screens at 4:30p.m., 7, 9:30 at the Castro Theatre, 429 Castro (at Castro and Market Streets). -- Pete Yorn: American singer-songwriter and guitarist headlines along with reunited Australian rock outfit Crowded House and Liam Finn.......

"Cult Alert!" flyers garnished lamp posts on Third and Market Streets the other night -- a siren song if ever we've heard one. (It seems like forever since SF's been plagued with a jazzy, crazy-ass cult. No offense, L. Ron.) In case you missed them, or in case the quality of life sect tore them down, the missives cried out: Cult Alert! Please be advised: Youth With a Mission (YWAM) has been under investigation......

Made famous to us plebeians not by the names littering the social registry and its many sad suck-ups (an aside: ahem, our rent is due soon, bitches), but by the much-missed former SF Weekly's "Dog Bites" columnist Laurel Wellman, Nob Hill Gazette just landed another beloved local writer, former Chronicle society scribe Catherine Bigelow. She starts today as the top-drawer publication's shiny new Deputy Editor & Society Columnist, working alongside longtime Editor Merla Zellerbach. An......

-- "Kim Nalley Sings Nina Simone": Local legend/songstress pays tribute to Dr. Nina Simone's brilliance, goddamn. Nalley blesses us with two sets at 8 p.m. and 10 p.m. at Jazz at Pearl's; $15, $20. -- Phantom of the Opera (1925): Oh, an Andrew Lloyd Webber jab would be trite, so let's just say: catch this silent-era version of the Phantom. Warren Lubich on the Mighty Wurlitzer provides tonight's non-Webberian score.  7 p.m. at the Castro......

-- Marga Gomez: Multiaward-wining lesbian/Latina comic makes her Plush Room debut with Joshua Raoul Broday on the ivories, and former Mornings on 2 personality and comedian, Mark Pitta. Show starts at 8 p.m., the Empire Plush Room, 940 Sutter; $20. -- Hard Eight (aka Sydney): Before making Magnolia, the sprawling masterpiece about fate and The Valley, Paul Thomas Anderson made his debut with Hard Eight. The visibly-boney Gwyneth Paltrow plays a cocktail waitress/whore in......

-- Dreamgirls: Jennifer Hudson's performance as Effie White won her an Academy Award, and her end of Act I nervous breakdown ("And I Am Telling You") blew audiences to the back wall of the theatre. . She is the reason to see this movie. It also features Anika Noni Rose, a former A.C.T. student. Check out this musical loosely based on the rise of the Supremes tonight at 7 p.m. at the Castro Theatre,......

-- All About Eve: Brutal, drunk, rapid-fire dialogue; famous lines ("Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy night," etc.); and a backstage story told so, so, so well make this '50s film more than just a camp classic. Starring Bette Davis. Screens tonight at 7 p.m. at the Castro Theatre, Castro & Market Streets; $9.50. -- Rush: Canadian rock flows freely at 7:30 p.m., Shoreline Amphitheatre, 1 Amphitheatre Pkwy, (Mountain View); $29.50-$79.50.......

-- Grey Gardens: Kiki & Herb's Justin Bond hosts one of the most splendidly tragic documentaries every made, about life inside a rundown East Hampton mansion with Jackie Kennedy Onassis' eccentric aunt and cousin. Little Edie look-a-like contest happens before the show. The psychosis starts at 7:30 p.m. at the Castro Theatre, Castro and Market Streets; $6-$9. -- Pundits With Punchlines: South Asian comedians highlight this night of comedy. Samson Koletkar, Hasan Minhaj, and......

-- "Given" (featuring artists Darwin Bell, Bret Hansen, and Danyol): Winner of SF Weekly’s "Best Polaroid Artist" award, Darwin Bell, makes clever, energetic pieces from the text he finds around the city, snapped up by his trusty Polaroid. Come check out his work, along with equally-talented artists Bret Hanson and Danyol, at this opening reception party starting at 6:30 p.m.-9 p.m. at 575 Castro (at 18th St. [formerly Harvey Milk's Camera Store]); admission is......

-- Bad Boys of Runway: Project Runway enfant terribles Santino Rice and Jeffrey Sebelia help host and judge a fashion show along with the fascinating Denise Hale and the hilarious Marga Gomez. Juanita MORE! performs an opening number that’s not to be missed. (Like, seriously, don't.) The pre-show prefaces a screening of The Women (1939), with a VIP reception afterwards. Partial proceeds benefit CUAV (Community United Against Violence), so…yay! Show starts at 7:30 p.m.......

-- The A’s: Oakland play at home against the Baltimore Orioles. Game starts at 7:05 p.m. at McAfee Coliseum; $9-$44. -- "Blow-Up": DJ Jefrodisiac and Emily Betty’s "indie-pop-disco-noir" (noir?) monthly dance club brings out hipsters of every ilk. But that doesn’t mean that you still can’t have a good time. Vin Sol & Morse Code, the Lovemakers (DJ set), Codebreaker, and Disco Nat make special guest appearances, and resident DJ Richie Panic and MC......

-- Joan Osbourne: She's famous (or just known for) her one-hit confection "One of Us," but her first effort was an overall amazing album. At least as far as the Liz Phairian ouvre goes, we think. She performs with Victoria George at 8 p.m. at Slim's, 333 11th St. (at Folsom); $26. -- Natural Born Hooker: The all-caps happy counterPULSE Theatre brings us the in's and the out's of one man's ten-year journey as......

-- Double Indemnity (1944) and Clash by Night (1952): Barbara Stanwyck sears the screen tonight in two gems: Billy Wilder's shadow-heavy, film noir hit about adultery and murder, followed by Fritz Lang's fick featuring Marilyn Monroe in one of her first roles. Shows start at 7 p.m. and 9:15 p.m., respectively, at the Castro Theatre, Castro & Market Streets. -- Brass Mafia: Along with DJ Daymitreeus spinning in between sets, local jazz band performs......

Women working retail alone can breathe a sigh of relief, because the "Good Ol' Boy Bandit" suspect has been captured. This guy was making a business of robbing stores in the Haight and Fillmore where women work alone at night. He'd threaten them with a four-inch hunting knife to get them to give up the dough, and was nicknamed the Good Ol' Boy Bandit because of his thick southern accent...and what do you know, it turns out that the suspect, Brian Mark Joyce, (age 30) is from Hillsborough, Alabama....