The uncorked variety show Champagne Cabaret bubbles up at Chinatown's Great Star Theater with a sparkling blend of graceful aerial acrobatics and gross-out gags.

You are being inundated with Valentine's Day date-night options this time of year, though none are likely to involve live performance acts that employ human saliva and chewed food. But if that’s your bag, you’ll want to consider tickets to the subversive, indie date-night revue show Champagne Cabaret, which opened Thursday night at the Great Star Theater and runs through March 4.

Your cast is basically six performers and two wandering live musicians. The showstopper highlights come from aerial dancer and Cirque Du Soleil veteran Pink Puma, who was known as Polina Volchek when she placed second at the 2014 World Pole Dance championships and was on America’s Got Talent. The whole pole and aerial dance thing is certainly catching on more, but she has plenty of moves you likely haven’t seen before, executed with a high degree of skill and dangerousness. The live music is a nice touch, featuring guitarist Eric McFadden — who’s played with George Clinton and the P-Funk All-Stars, and fronted the popular 1990s SF band Liar.

But the gross-out gags are what you’ll be chatting about afterward, courtesy of a husband-and-wife vaudeville duo called Daredevil Chicken. Longtime local magician Paul Nathan mines old-time sleight-of-hand and card tricks, but delivered with a dash of audience involvement shticks that make everyone squirm and laugh simultaneously. And a very unconventional act called Sterling the Bubblesmith gets a lot more mileage out of bubble shenanigans than you’d think is possible, with an endless array of bubble tricks up his sleeve.

It’s a variety show, and like most of them, Champagne Cabaret is a little uneven. Not every act soars, and it sticks with pretty much the exact formula of Paul Nathan’s previous Great Star shows Dark Kabaret and Twisted Cabaret.

But if you specifically seek out live shows that are outside the grip of the modern LiveNation/Goldenvoice/Another Planet Entertainment monopoly, this show is for you. All of these performers work in genres considered either too edgy or too passé for mainstream audiences, but they approach their craft with sincere discipline and passion. Yes, many of these perfomace arts are of a certain vintage, but Champagne Cabaret will have you raising your glass throughout.

Champagne Cabaret runs Thursday-Saturday, 8 p.,m., through March 4 (plus a Tuesday, February 14 show) at the Great Star Theater, 636 Jackson Street (at Kearny Street). $30, Ticket here  

Related: Star Wars-Themed Burlesque Show ‘Empire Strips Back’ at Great Star Theater Is a Real Blast [SFist]

Image: Champagne Cabaret

Querulous recording artist Azealia Banks, whose Twitter feed is a simmering broth of homophobia, nonsense, and the occasional Donald Trump endorsement, may hold in her hands the fate of billionaire CEO Jack Dorsey.

Anyway, that's what Banks, who claims to be an expert in witchcraft, appeared to argue. More specifically, she took to Twitter to say that Dorsey sent her a lock of his hair and asked for her spiritual protection. And poof, the dogged reporters at Re/Code were on the story.

The tale of toil and trouble begins last year, when Banks appears to have endorsed Square, a company which Dorsey runs as CEO in his spare time when he isn't busy operating Twitter, also as CEO.

Banks claims that Dorsey asked her to promote Square as she did, and, in exchange, promised to shill for her music. Then it all sort of goes from there.

Dorsey's fates have fluctuated somewhat wildly within the last year, and Banks's story would certainly add clarity. While Re/code diligently reached out to Square and Twitter, the outlet was met with mild derision by company spokespersons. Square's representative, for example, in response to a request for comment, sent a GIF of Will Arnett as Gob Bluth, a magician from Arrested Development.

Related: Is Ted Cruz The Zodiac Killer? Internet Ponders Important Theory

What if I told you that a simple text message could secure you anything your heart desired? Plane tickets emailed to you, dinner delivered, flowers sent to your fiancé. A new SMS service simply called Magic promises just that, and its flashy name proves apt because it would be totally amazing if it worked and in fact would seem not to.

As Re/code reports, Magic began as a side project from entrepreneurs at the startup incubator Y Combinator. The Magic team, led by Mike Chen — a fellow whom Re/code has dubbed Magic Mike — thought that the current slate of same-day delivery services like Postmates and Instacart "still required too much work." Just sit with that for a moment.

"As long as it's legal and possible we can do that," Chen told TechCrunch. "It may be expensive, you may want a helicopter to Vegas, but if its possible we will do it." And how? They'll just use the Internet like you would have. Payments are, quoting Chen here, "guesstimates" that factor in time and hassle. Magic handles them via payment service Stripe and doesn't have your credit card information. It's all up to to your Magic operator, who has full discretion.

By now, Magic has gone viral on tech blogs and mainstream media, fueling demand that's exposing the facade of the service. For one example, Re/code tells the story of a less than magical quest for a chicken parm delivery. And anecdotally, it seems most people are ordering tigers and the like to test the limits of Magic.

The service already looks to be more a story of Internet in 2015 than that of a startup success. It's a tale of media driven hype, but hey, here we are. Chen "had zero idea it would get like this," he said to TechCrunch, who report that he sounded overwhelmed on the phone. "You know people say things happen overnight and I didn’t believe them before and now it’s happening to me.” Now that's some Silicon Valley magic.

Yes, I want to believe. I'd like to order a Nimbus 300 Quidditch broom via a text message. But I'm also content with the existing wizardry of the web. Magic is just a service layer, one of a proliferating array of middlemen merely doing what you can already.

But hey, if you're interested in investigating Magic for yourself, just text (408) 217-1721. Be aware that there's a wait-list and that it sounds like, after all this press, the magicians are currently overwhelmed.

PERFORMANCE: After a sold-out opening night, theatrical magician Christian Cagigal continues his 13-day run of The Collection, featuring his "special brand of creepiness." No other details have been provided, since the audience at every performance is sworn to secrecy in order to maintain the surprise and mystery of the show. (7 p.m., Exit Theatre, 156 Eddy Street)

COMEDY: W. Kamau Bell & Nato Green present Comedy SuperPAC every Monday through May 7th, in which the mission is to "foist unlimited good comedy on San Francisco audiences and then to funnel unlimited money (or at least a portion of the proceeds) to a great cause — the Applied Research Center known for its online magazine, Colorlines.com. (7 p.m., Hemlock Tavern, 1131 Polk Street)

LECTURE: Ccurator Nato Thompson will talk about his latest book, Seeing Power: Art and Activism in the Age of Cultural Production, which explores the work of some of the most interesting artists and activists working today, from cooperative housing to anarchist infoshops to alternative art venues. (7:30 p.m., San Francisco Art Institute, 800 Chestnut Street)

Melissa Griffin brings us what could possibly be the most delightful news we've heard all all week: harmony has been restored between the Druids and Golden Gate Park. See, last week city employee John Dennis, a landscape architect for the Rhododendron Dell, was looking for rocks in the park to complete the Dell’s renovation. And he found some. Unfortunately, they belonged to the Druids and their magical rock configurations. "The Druish Princesses got all up in arms and called the department demanding their religious rocks back," and the department returned the precious stones.

The Recreation and Parks Department, Griffin goes on to say, has "a 'live and let live' policy toward the nice people who like to wear robes and put twelve rocks and a circle and call it a church." (Just don't fashion a wire hanger in a geometric shape and aim it at one of the two Druid circles in Golden Gate Park, if you know what's good for you.)

Read all about the city's involvement with Celtic sorcery at Sweet Melissa.

Magic-believing crazy person Pope Benedict XVI announced today a brand spanking new Bishop. Salvatore Joseph Cordileone has officially been announced as America's Next Top Bishop of Oakland, "making him the principal voice of moral authority for some 400,000 Catholics in Alameda and Contra Costa counties." According to SF Chronicle, Cordileone, 52, was the auxiliary bishop for the Diocese of San Diego. Bishop Cordileone, we must admit, looks kind of sexy for someone at such an advanced age. We would not at all have minded him touching our bathing suit area while giving us "private communion classes" as a kid. Congratulations, Joe!

Also, Cordileone "inherits a diocese that has staked some $190 million on a new Cathedral in downtown Oakland." $190 million on what's basically a mystery house? $190 million?! Disgusting. At least throw in a few lofts, a Quizno's, or something; otherwise, see you in Hell.