Results tagged “jesuschrist”

Long live the Pantalaine Couch Dress.

On Thursday, Juan Zuluaga, 26, was arrested at the SF Zoo following a run-in with a rhinoceros. It seems, according to the Chron, that Zuluaga was busted for throwing acorns at Mashaki, a black rhino:

The singing starts at 7 p.m. and 9 p.m. at Slim's; $15.

Jesus Christ, this has sent us into a tailspin. While we can safely say that our biggest accomplishments in life thus far have been finding synonyms for the word "poop" and being able to thoroughly enjoy steak tartare, it seems that a few other driven, Type-A individuals have done more at our age. Much, much more. Behold what we should have done at this point on Earth:

It looks like Black Rock City visitors now have an actual tragedy on their hands. One for them to eventually personalize, of course. Today, sadly, someone hanged himself to death at Burning Man. His dangling body -- which was viewable to partygoers for about two hours inside of a two-story tent, according the Justin Berton -- went unnoticed by many. Passersby and friends, it seems, thought the dead body was an artistic statement of...

-- Verified Identity Pass. Scary. But kind of cool. [Chron]

Is anyone else's power going out every five to ten minutes today? Annoying. So far we have reports from One Market, Harrison/Fourth Street, UCSF Mission/Bay, parts of the Financial District -- the general downtown/SOMA area. What's more, we (and, most likely, you) have already lost several documents. Jesus Christ, make it stop.

Let's just get this right out of the way first-- we love Jesus Christ Superstar and we're not too proud to admit it (blasting it on our stereo, on the other hand...) We love the songs, we love the story, we love the lyrics, we love the singing, we love everything. Not only that, we think the songs rock. And if you don't believe us, go check out the Afghan Whig's cover of "the Temple" and see what we mean. We also think that the play's main riff-- that malevolent, bad-ass riff, the one played while Jesus is receiving the thirty-nine lashes, is one of rock's great unknown riffs.

A bingo benefit to be held this Thursday night was cancelled because the church it was to be held at didn't like the idea of nuns in drag. What? That's a problem? The church, the Most Holy Redeemer Church, was all set to host the thing but, realizing it involved the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, ixnayed it.

Yeah, yeah, we know.

You had Oscar Pereiro in the office Tour de France pool until you watched the OLN Tour Preview show and Bob Roll convinced you to change it to Floyd Landis. Right, and you had Carlos Sastre on the podium too until your buddy Joao from Portugal got you thinking that Jose Azevedo had this one dialed in. And you've always been a huge Cyril Dessel fan, but you thought he was still a year or two away from going big time; this was going to be finally going to be Georgie Hincapie's year.

Sure you did. We guarantee that nobody had Pereiro, Sastre, and Andreas Kloden in the top three (well, maybe Kloden) before the Tour started.

Okay, he's not REALLY a CIA agent. But his posters say he is, and that if you tear them down, you'll "get SMACKED." For the last month or so, a quiet, stocky, late-20s guy with a shaved head and a heavy-metal goatee has been posting gibberish on telephone poles around the eastern end of the panhandle. He wears what look like hospital scrubs, which make us hope that he's getting some form of treatment somewhere; and over the scrubs, he's got a white t-shirt with more of his rantings written in large block letters. It actually looks pretty trendy, like something you'd pay $70 for on Haight -- we'd totally wear a t-shirt that says "Jesus Christ lets people torture him because you can't kill me stupid, then I shove an ugly piece of wood up your ass," as reads one of his manifestoes. Someone get this guy on "Project Runway." Or into a residential care facility. Whichever.

Today is, of course, Festivus. And with Festivus comes the traditional airing of grievances. Not to mention acknowledgement that we stole the idea from the Daily Quickie column on ESPN.com’s Page 2. So, in celebration of the most holy of holidays, we here at Sfist would like to air our grievances.