Photo by agaetisbyrjun This guy above, it seems, shows up at the beginning of each semester at SFSU "to get yelled at by freshmen/student activists." We think he's the bee's knees. What's more, we can identify with all of the sins listed above. Can you?......

Oh yeah, we almost forgot. They're getting married this weekend somewhere in Canada at some sort of horse breeding ranch. Or wherever. Billed as an "old-fashioned wedding social," featuring "wrangler events, a cowboy cookout and barn dancing," you can read Matier and Ross getting damp over Saturday's most unholy affair here. Anyway, while we coax Beth Spotswood down from the Golden Gate Bridge with chilled vodka and a crushed Xanax, feel free to use......

Have you read Living Oprah, the greatest thing in the world, ever? Penned by a 35-year-old writer, performer, and artist living in Chicago--who doesn't give her name--for one year she will be living her life according to Oprah's edicts. Because Oprah Winfrey, as we all know by now, is Christ reborn. Over the past few years--after becoming one of the most powerful person in the world, arguably--has achieved an inner peace and sparkling clarity......

Photo: innout/Flickr Yeah it is.......

On Thursday, Juan Zuluaga, 26, was arrested at the SF Zoo following a run-in with a rhinoceros. It seems, according to the Chron, that Zuluaga was busted for throwing acorns at Mashaki, a black rhino: Police said they were summoned to the zoo at 3:30 p.m. Thursday after a patron reported to officials that Zuluaga was picking acorns off a branch and tossing them at the black rhino, a male named Mashaki. Zuluaga was......

Deep breath. Wow. Jesus. Okay, here we go: Well, it seems that Greanpeace and UC Berkeley student organizers will host an, um, "Toilet-Trees" event on Sproul Plaza on the UCB campus tomorrow, Thursday, from 10 a.m. - 2 p.m. Why? To alert the student body of the clear-cutting practices of Kleenex Brand's parent company, Kimberly-Clark. What is a "toilet-trees" event? We....oh God, is it what we think it is? The press release, which you......

Fascist Imperial Dogs 1 - Tree Loving Hippies 0- After all that protesting and dancing and carrot juice drinking, the Berkeley City Council chickened out and said they erred in passing that January resolution that disinvited a Marine recruiting station and called them "unwelcome intruders." In that resolution, they also allowed Code Pink permission to blast all sorts of things at the station, gave them a designated parking space in front of it, and permission to protest on Wednesdays from noon to 4 p.m. Why Wednesday? Because it’s Hump Day! They did, however, refuse to issue an apology and used part of their mea culpa to lash out at the Bush administration and the war. This didn't satisfy some conservatives as Senator Jim DeMint of South Carolina introduced the "Semper Fi Act" which would redirect money to UC Berkeley and give it to the Southern Heritage Coalition so they can sew more flags with the Confederate flag in them....

While it's not very Bay Area-ish, Jesus is allegedly in all of our hearts. And now look what happened? We blame the sodomites. And Code Pink. Read more about Rio de Janeiro's wonder of the world getting struck by lightning, or a nifty fit of photoshopping, here. Image credit: UPPA, via Daily Mail......

Republican (it goes without saying) Assemblyman Guy Houston of San Ramon wants to slice off more than $3 million in state funding from Berkeley for their stance against Marine recruiting. He will introduce legislation to "withhold state transportation money until Berkeley rescinds its 'war on the U.S. Marine Corps.'" Jesus. In a move that will ideally hurt his political career -- since it's a waste of time, a symbolic prick move, and has little......

Aaron, what's going on? Things okay at home? You can tell us, man. Because: San Francisco Board of Supervisors President Aaron Peskin has been on a bit of a roll lately. In addition to threatening to have Newsom's director of climate protection initiatives, Wade Crowfoot, canned out of mere spite, Peskin has also reportedly bullied Port of San Francisco employees for disagreeing "with him over building-height limits on the city's waterfront." Last August, the......

Jesus, have you seen those ads for this movie "Hancock"? Is it us, or is there something insaaaaaanely racist about them? Let's break it down: Will Smith plays an African-American superhero -- the first big-screen African-American superhero since, um, Robert Townsend in 1993's Meteor Man? Oh, that's right, there was that black sidekick in "The Incredibles." And Halle Berry as Storm. And Wesley Snipes as Blade ... so, okay, there've been four black superheroes in......

Frank Chu gets all of the glory, but what about this guy? He's just as endearing, if not more so. Just because his narrative lacks some silly sci-fi bent, doesn't mean he's not as special, you guys. We demand a nightclub named in his honor by year's end. Whoever he is. Image credit: Omega it's jameth......

Well, we put little lines next to "Jesus," you bitch. Oh, gosh, excuse us. Sorry. We just heard the unholy tale of Jean's cement Jesus statue, or lack thereof, and we're livid. Our Lord, it seems, is being held hostage. Why? Because Jean won't take care of her "poopies" or "weiners" [sic] -- at least according to the CNN reporter, doing his best to make it on Best Week Ever or the Daily Show.......

N Judah Chronicles' Greg Dewar will not be pleased. And neither will the rest of you. Just weeks after colliding with a 90-year-old woman on the corner of 9th Avenue and Irving Street, an inbound N Judah stuck a man at 31st Avenue, dragging him to 28th, killing him in the process. Overhead news helicopters, a Judah Street closure, and a police investigation followed suit. What's more, according to the Gate: The incident was the......

Here's todays sports news...

Egads. This one is almost out of a horror movie, except that it's, well, real. Last night San Francisco welcomed in another murder, this time at 26th Street and Mission a little before midnight. An eyewitness told police that a man being chased down 26th Street near Mission Street when he tripped and fell to the ground. The killer then caught up to the victim, shooting him several times. The murder suspect then fled......

The NFL's 2008 Wild Card Wknd has arrived at the same time as this rainstorm front......

Peter Hartlaub thinks our favorite thinspiration, Keira Knightley, is overrated. Well, then. [SFGate] Iraqi war critics' darling Cindy Sheehan moves to the Mission District. Congrats on the hip new digs, Cynthia. [FCJ] Big-cat attack victims "lay low." Hmm. [Examiner] Raiders lose it. Again. [Oakland Tribune] Three - three! - people murdered in Oakland within 12 hours. Ack. [CoCo Times] Oakland fuzz feared Your Black Muslim Bakery? [Oakland Tribune] Beth has a new drinking-binge buddy?......

Oakland Interfaith Gospel Ensemble: This awe-inspiring gospel ensemble from "the other side of the Bay," noted for its "interfaith, multi-racial, and multi-cultural" makeup -- will get you in the mood. The Christmas-y mood, that is. And if you can't handle all of the holiday joy abounding, there are plenty of bars around the neighborhood where you can get your joy on, booze-wise. The singing starts at 7 p.m. and 9 p.m. at Slim's; $15.Midnight......

Festivus: Although we see no mention of the traditional "Airing of Grievances" or the post-dinner "Feats of Strength" battle, we can't imagine any proper Festivus celebration without them. Still, whether or not tonight's party follows strict Seinfeldian doctrine, a good time will be had by all at Green Aid's holiday bash. Mutaytor performs at this Black Rock City-ish night of fun. Starts at 7:30 p.m. at SomArts Cultural Center; $70. Dub Mission: Renowned for......

Here's todays sports news...

We love Gridskipper's edge as of late. Take, for example, today's revealing top 8 San Francisco bars with the "crappiest crowds." Rankings 8, 7, 6, and 5 are Beauty Bar, Medjool, Swig, and R Bar, respectively. In all fairness, you need to visit good ol' Gridie to find out just who made the top four. (Also, regarding the number-one spot, we've never visited the sorta chic spot but have heard mixed reviews. Is it......

Jesus Christ, this has sent us into a tailspin. While we can safely say that our biggest accomplishments in life thus far have been finding synonyms for the word "poop" and being able to thoroughly enjoy steak tartare, it seems that a few other driven, Type-A individuals have done more at our age. Much, much more. Behold what we should have done at this point on Earth: Amelia Earhart became the first woman to......

-- Today is Yelp Day. How did you celebrate? Yeah, same here. (With all due respect to Yelp, Newsom will declare anything _____ Day these days, won't he?) [Eater SF] -- Ooooh! Those apartments near the Mint and Mezzanine. We want one. [Curbed SF] -- Homeless vets. [BeyondChron] -- Freight & Salvage wins $1.161 million? Jesus. [SFBG] -- Beth Spotswood totally likes Donnie Wahlberg. [Culture Blog] -- SF's EIR, bicyclists, and you. [Left in......

The motorcycling-riding Johnny Knoxville of his time, minus any homoerotic subtext, Evel Knievel died today at the wonderful age of 69. He passed away after years of suffering from "diabetes and idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis, an incurable condition that scarred his lungs." Which? Good for him -- in that he wasn't taken down by his daredevil-laced stuntsmanship. He even survived a run-in with the Hell's Angels. (Aside: why do the Hell's Angels act like such......

From November 16 to November 18, Denton Geiger, 42, a San Francisco resident, held his (ex)girlfriend captive in their former home, where beat and raped her. (Jesus.) According to the Examiner, "Geiger allegedly approached the victim on Haight as she sold marijuana and persuaded her to go to their former home...[t]he victim escaped on Nov. 18 when an acquaintance entered the residence and intervened as she fled to a neighbor’s house." After a good......

Warning: when visiting the ice rink at the Embarcadero, please be careful. You could fall face-first on the ice, cut open your knee, swallow a couple of itchy Vicodins to abate building pain, and then send out several emails that you won't remember writing the following morning. Or so we hear. -- The Last Detail (1973): Jack Nicholson takes Randy Quaid out for a last bit of debauchery before young Quaid is sent of......

SFist interviews the Reverend Billy of "what would jesus buy?"...

Black Friday, the Friday after Thanksgiving, the day where big retail shoppers traditionally break even for the year! Traditionally considered the biggest shopping day of the year! Is it retail therapy? ....Or is it kowtowing to the gods of capitalism and binding the workers who long to be free? Well, if you're heading out to Union Square today but feel kind of guilty about it, you can at least make yourself feel a little better......

We know you're thankful for stuff (like, say, all of the fine content found right here on SFist -- or for baby Jesus' blessed kisses, the gift of life, blah, blah). But what, pray tell, about about some of your favorite SFisters? For what are they getting down on their and giving thanks this year? We asked for a signifying photo from each with some Answering our call. In no particular order, here's what we......