If you've ever gotten coffee at Andytown or picked up a print at Three Fish Studios, you've already taken in Peter Cochrane's work: He does the weird and wonderful floral arrangements you see at those locations (including Andytown's "secret" outpost at Square headquarters). He's also a writer and editor, most recently heading up arts publication SFAQ before striking out on his own as an artist.

This Saturday marks Cochrane's first solo show at the Great Highway gallery. Entitled A Continuum, it seeks to "honor the beginning, the present, and the end as a connected stream," Cochrane says in his artist statement. Heady enough stuff that I feel crass by following it by suggesting you head to its opening party Saturday evening from 6 to 9 p.m., which will also feature the inevitable art-show free-flowing booze and food from neighboring Lawton Tap Room.

Though I've been engaged in an ongoing conversation with Cochrane for years, since we first spoke at a chilly barbecue thrown by a since-parted couple I met at the gym, reading his statement made me realize that his thoughts on San Francisco have a beginning, middle, and end of their own — and that some of you might enjoy his musings, as well. So I had him submit to our 20 Questions, with the below results.

Name: Peter Eric Steines Cochrane

Introduce yourself in one sentence: Hello, my name is Peter and I am a 29-year-old man who arranges flowers and writes and is an artist and a total homo.

Age and occupation: I am a 29-year-old artist.

Hometown: San Diego, CA / Bigfork, MT (depending on which year of childhood — it’s complicated).

How long have you lived in SF? Give me another 10 months and we’ll call it an even decade.

Best deal in SF: "My affordable yet mind-altering, historically conscious, socially provocative art," is what I think what I’m supposed to say. But really Kabuki Theater’s $6 Tuesday movies or a large, deep dish, jalapeño pineapple Patxi’s pizza eaten alone, split over the course of four dinners.

The best thing in/about your neighborhood is: Though I live in Western Addition, the Sunset is my home based on clocked hours so I’d have to say petting all of the dogs in front of Andytown Coffee Roasters in between arranging their flowers one at a time. Special shoutout to my main girl Jazzy the gallery dog at The Great Highway Gallery next door.

Your favorite Bay Area restaurant is: Tosca, with a before and/or after drink at Vesuvio. (This is not a recommendation based on habit, but was lovely the two or three times it’s happened.)

Place you always tell visitors to the Bay Area to check out: James Turrell’s skyspace “Three Gems” in the sculpture garden at the de Young. Preferably go on a Friday night when the museum is open late and sit there staring up at the black night through the sky hole as the lights shift from red to white to green to blue and destroy your comprehension of physical space.

You have two hours and $25 bucks to kill in SF, what are you going to do?: I’d probably get a coffee from Andytown, sit on the dunes at Ocean Beach, and pocket the rest. What do you think I am, a rich 29-year-old artist? Free money!

Favorite mode of transportation: The Peter of 2013 who rode his bike or walked everywhere no matter the time of day or weather is ashamed of the Peter of 2017 who says, "My car."

Beer, wine, cocktails, or mocktails (please elaborate): Anything that’s pretty rough, like a slap to the face, and must be drunk slowly: tequila straight up (for sipping, not shooting, you beasts), tequila and soda with lime, tequila and grapefruit juice, gin on the rocks, gin and tonic, whiskey straight, vodka with ice, a martini, wine (whatever crosses the $6.99 / bottle line), or a Margarita with Grand Marnier if I’m feeling fruity and want to think of the way my mother says “Grand Marnier."

Favorite Bay Area stereotype, and whether or not you buy into it: San Francisco is full of limp-wristed fairies. I guess I bought into this the first few years I lived here but then gentrification shoved most of us out leaving behind the richest, whitest, buffest, discreetest, masc4mascest of them all.

Who's your favorite San Francisco character (living or dead, real or unreal): John Waters (I think he counts as living, dead, real, and unreal).

San Franciscans are the WORST about: Going on second dates.

SF has the BEST: Rent control laws.

You can tell someone is a local here IF: Native local: friendly, talkative, calm or neurotic, owns their own home and business, maybe has a funny haircut, owns a “The City” shirt or an embroidered “SF” baseball cap and wears it with pride.

Long-enough local: friendly, talkative, California nice, ambitious in the dreamy way, just came back from a hike, will have kids in the city because they resent their parents for raising them in the suburbs.

I have found/sold/bought the following on Craigslist: My first bike, which a mechanic later called a “death trap,” but from which I only fell off and scarred the left half of my face once, thank you very much.

What do you want all SFist readers out there to know about your city? Despite everything you’ll read about the city being overpriced, culturally hemorrhagic, overrun by tech billionaires, colder than Chicago (a personal feeling after having lived in Chicago where the houses are actually built to withstand cold temperatures), it’s still rife with moments of overwhelming beauty — the fog rolling over Twin Peaks to the east in a billowing, white wave; Victorian and Edwardian homes clutching to every hill and valley whose windows glint orange and gold with the setting sun; unadulterated frost in the early winter morning creating silver lakes of grass throughout Golden Gate Park — and charming, genuine people. You just have to look a little harder to find them all now.

Tell us an “only in San Francisco" story: One time, back when the drag night Mother was called Trannyshack and Trannyshack was at DNA Lounge, I went to a Björk tribute night after a day spent at the old SFMOMA. After getting a few too many drinks with friends the house lights went down and the first performer walked on stage, red cloths trailing behind her otherwise naked torso. As “Jóga” reached its crescendo she was hoisted into the air by pulleys and ropes that clipped into rings pierced through the skin of her back. The red cloth, now rivers of blood, were waved by her backup dancers as she flew around the stage without missing a lip-synching beat. “This is better performance art than I’ve seen in the museum,” I thought to myself having realized all my friends were now missing and had missed the whole performance. I later found that one got kicked out, one was clutching a toilet, and one was walking home in the rain, all swearing off booze and, misguidedly, Björk. Like so many other San Francisco moments, it came and went as if in an isolated dream.

If you watched the most recent season of Project Runway, you're likely familiar with Emily Payne, the 80s/Space Oddity-influenced talent who was often the voice of compassionate reason on the show, even in the midst of reality-TV-chaos.

Payne's been in the fashion design biz since 1997, and has lived in SF (with a break in SoCal, for which we forgive her) since 1999. As a private-label designer, she worked for companies that sold goods at Hot Topic, Urban Outfitters, and Forever 21, but in 2007, when Emily and her now-husband Isaac had a daughter, Emily moved into kid's clothes, launching cult-fave line DevonRose.

In 2011, she started her women's label, Leathertongue, which Emily described to SFist as "a high-end street wear label for fashion forward women who want to show their femininity, but with a sharp edge," (which basically sounds like how 9/10ths of the women I know describe their aspired-to personal style). And she's still chilling with the Runway pack: She's going to be teaching a draping class at Britex with Sacramento-based Season 11 designer Richard Hallmarq on February 7 (tickets are $25, available here), and will be doing a Valentine's Day fashion show with San Mateo-based Season 12 designer Alexandria von Bromssen at The Empire Room (555 Golden Gate), details here.

Name: Emily Payne

Introduce yourself in one sentence: Hi, I'm Emily and I'm a double Leo.

Age and occupation: 41 year old Designer

Home town: Temple, Texas

How long have you lived in SF?
I lived here from 1999 to 2004 (moved to SoCal for some strange reason) then moved back to SF in 2011.

Best deal in SF:
For food: El Gallo Giro Taco Truck in the Mission (23rd) for the best MEAT!!!

For clothing, Relove"on Polk Street. It's a vintage and modern resale shop. Great buyer there, friendly and attractive staff, and nice prices, too.

The best thing in/about your neighborhood (Chinatown) is: It's close to EVERYTHING:)

Your favorite Bay Area restaurant is: SouthPaw BBQ & Southern Cooking

Place you always tell visitors to the Bay Area to check out:
Britex Fabrics in Union Square. It's a 62 year old family-run luxury fabric store with four floors of inspiration and crazy creative types EVERYWHERE inside.

You have two hours and $25 bucks to kill in SF, what are you going to do?
Walk to Polk street, get a crumb donut from Donuts and Things. Then, cruise up Polk (towards Vallejo St) and get a imported fashion mag from Smoke Signals, and grab a dirty chai.

Favorite mode of transportation: Walking

Beer, wine, cocktails, or mocktails (please elaborate):
Red wine! I drink a glass (or two) almost every night.

Favorite Bay Area stereotype, and whether or not you buy into it:
That it's a "GAY" city...I don't buy into it...it's an "ASIAN" city.

Who's your favorite San Francisco character (living or dead, real or unreal): Juanita MORE

San Franciscans are the WORST about: Crossing the street

SF has the BEST: Weather for layering:)

You can tell someone is a local here IF:
They have three layers of clothing in their bag.

I have found/sold/bought the following on Craigslist:
Bought my Industrial Juki straight-stitch (almost brand new) for $400.00

What do you want all SFist readers out there to know about your city?
It can be incredibly beautiful and disgusting at the same time.... and it is ALWAYS changing.

Tell us a “only in San Francisco" story
When I lived in SF the first time (99-04) I had a studio space on Market & 6th for a tiny while. If you live in SF you know that's a really seedy area and DIRTY. Once (after FINALLY finding a parking spot for my enormous Explorer) I walked up the alley to the back entrance like I always do. That day was one of the only two hot days of the year and I was wearing my favorite MIU-MIU sandals. Suddenly I stepped on something that caused me to slide for a moment, nearly falling. "That better not be shit" I thought to myself as I looked down and realized to my horror that I had stepped on a dead bloated rat and rat gut had squirted onto my bare sandaled skin!! It was all I could do to hold it together as I ran into the building and stuck my foot in the sink.

See all 20 Questions With SFist interviews here

You know who Sarah Bacon is (even if you don't know that you do): She's the woman behind The Richmond District Blog of San Francisco, a long-running site that tirelessly chronicles the goings-on, big and small, of SF's Richmond District. She's also a veteran of the Bay Area's tech industry, with a career that spans stints at some of the biggest names in the biz, as well as small start-ups.

Now she's got a new bag: Nourish Cafe, a Kickstarter-(over!)funded vegetarian restaurant that Bacon and her two partners hope to open in February, 2015 in a cute little location on 189 6th Avenue. When she's not blogging, changing how we eat, or being a start-up mastermind, the SF native is busy enjoying all the natural wonders our city has to offer, as you can see from her answers to our 20 questions.

Name: Sarah Bacon

Introduce yourself in one sentence: I am a SF native with a particular passion for the Richmond District.

Age and occupation: 42, Product Manager, Blogger, Entrepreneur

Home town: San Francisco, CA

How long have you lived in SF?: All of my 42 years

Best deal in SF: Our parks. I’m always astounded by how lucky we are to have our parks, trails, and amazing views. It’s easy to escape the city’s buzz and it doesn’t cost a thing.

The best thing in/about your neighborhood is: The parks (Presidio, GGP), beaches and views. I love putting on my running shoes and escaping from my front door.

Your favorite Bay Area restaurant is: We’re not open yet but it will be Nourish Café, the new café I am opening in the Richmond District.

Place you always tell visitors to the Bay Area to check out: Lands End

You have two hours and $25 bucks to kill in SF, what are you going to do?: A walk on the Lands End coastal trail and lunch at the Legion of Honor on the terrace (no admission required). Beauty all around.

Favorite mode of transportation: A Bolt Motorbike. But I don’t own one so really, it’s my car.

Beer, wine, cocktails, or mocktails (please elaborate): Fruit smoothies. I could drink them 24/7.

Favorite Bay Area stereotype, and whether or not you buy into it: That the city is filled with urban hipsters that only work in tech. There are plenty of people NOT like that in the city. We are still very diverse.

Who's your favorite San Francisco character (living or dead, real or unreal): I have to go with Mrs. Doubtfire at the moment. I miss Robin Williams and his house in the film was where my grandfather lived for a short time while growing up. So I have a soft spot for the best nanny ever on the big screen. Runner-up: the wild parrots.

San Franciscans are the WORST about: Change! The acronym NIMBY applies to this city for a reason.

SF has the BEST: World-renowned bridge. I love the Golden Gate Bridge, it’s such a beautiful object that weathers with us.

You can tell someone is a local here IF: They are wearing layers. Locals are prepared for ANY microclimate.

I have found/sold/bought the following on Craigslist: A hubcap, a perfectly good IKEA desk that was abandoned in front of my building, concert tickets.

What do you want all SFist readers out there to know about your city? That it’s the people that make this city what it is. Be kind to one another, be adventurous, try new things, and shop local.

Tell us a “only in San Francisco" story: I think it has to be the random wildlife encounters we have in our 7x7 area. One morning I was at bootcamp in Mountain Lake Park and a coyote was up on the playground hill, casually watching us. Wild parrots squawk overhead as they fly their feeding routes through the city. In 2013 we had an adorable river otter that made his home at Sutro Baths for a few months.

See all 20 Questions With SFist interviews here

In every other city in California, their Public Defender is an appointee. Not so in San Francisco! Here, we elect the Public Defender of the City and County of San Francisco, and since 2002, Jeff Adachi's been our guy. He's tried over 150 jury trials himself, and oversees a staff of 93 lawyers, all who represent over 23,000 people each year. On top of that, he ran for mayor against Ed Lee in 2011, eventually coming in sixth out of 16 candidates. He's also directed, written, and produced two documentaries. The guy gets around, as you can see from his responses to our 20 questions.

Name: Jeff Adachi

Introduce yourself in one sentence: As California's only elected public defender, my office provides the best legal representation and justice money can't buy.

Age and occupation: 56, Public Defender of San Francisco, criminal trial lawyer & filmmaker

Home town: South Sacramento

How long have you lived in SF? Since 1981 when I attended UC Hastings for law school.

Best deal in SF: Bowl of cha siu ramen + sake at Sapporo-Ya in Japantown

The best thing in/about your neighborhood is: On the Westside, we have free parking but it's hard to find your car through the fog.

Your favorite Bay Area restaurant is: Ozumo

Place you always tell visitors to the Bay Area to check out: Alcatraz, especially now with dissident Chinese artist Ai Weiwei's exhibition

You have two hours and $25 bucks to kill in SF, what are you going to do?: See a horror or action movie (or two), buy a popcorn (smuggle in a Coke) and give whatever is left over to the homeless.

Favorite mode of transportation: Horse drawn carriage or Muni, whichever is faster

Beer, wine, cocktails, or mocktails (please elaborate): James Bonds' Vesper martini extra dry "the apèritif of Bordeaux"

Favorite Bay Area stereotype, and whether or not you buy into it: We all eat healthy (I don't and never will.)

Who's your favorite San Francisco character (living or dead, real or unreal): Frank Kozik, an avant-garde artist who is famous for making plastic rabbits which he calls labbits.

San Franciscans are the WORST about: summer fashion style

SF has the BEST: men and women in suits & trench coats (I favor Giorgio Armani but have to find them on sale.)

You can tell someone is a local here IF: they don't ask you for directions to the Golden Gate Bridge.

I have found/sold/bought the following on Craigslist: Concert tickets!

What do you want all SFist readers out there to know about your city? We are a city of rebels except when it comes to our coffee.

Tell us a “only in San Francisco" story: The first time I came here by myself in high school, my cousin and I visited with our class. Everyone else ate at Castagnola's but we didn't have $20 so, instead, we bought French rolls and some cold cuts for a few bucks and ate them in a grassy area near Fisherman's Wharf - it was the best sandwich I ever had in my life!

See all 20 Questions With SFist interviews here

From 2004 to 2008 or so, SFist made a habit of hitting interesting locals with a list of 20-or-so questions, for the edification and enjoyment of our readers. Now in our tenth year, we've freshened up original interviewer SFist Emily's question list and relaunched the feature — and who better to relaunch with than San Francisco's event king, Johnny Funcheap?

It was 2003 and Johnny Hayes was unemployed, bored and broke when he came up with the idea for Funcheap, an email newsletter to share all the fun, cheap events in San Francisco he dug up. These days, he goes by "Johnny Funcheap" and it's his full-time job, with a newsletter that goes out twice a week to over 75,000 people. But even in these days of $7 toast, the focus remains the same: all the things to do in SF and the Bay Area for free, with a few "worth the splurge" picks thrown in for good measure. "These days, I get people who want $200 dollar dinners listed on the calendar," Funcheap says, but he sends those folks packing. "That's not what we're about!"

Funcheap is currently working on a new start-up for culture seekers in San Francisco called RushTix. Each week, members get invited onto the guest list for a hand-picked grouping of events so they can discover new and interesting experiences. (That's one of the reasons the more eagle-eyed among you might have noticed he didn't get to all 20 of our questions.) Check RushTix out here!

Introduce yourself in one sentence: I'm Johnny and I spend all my time digging up strange, wonderful and free things to do in San Francisco.

Home town: Culver City, California

How long have you lived in SF? I moved here in 2001 with no job and just before we knew the economy was tanking. Great timing. But it forced me to be super cheap and hunt for deals out of necessity.

Best deal in SF: Almost every month the USF community garden hosts a free vegetarian dinner. You sit with newly-made friends at communal tables and grub on food directly from the garden and neighborhood farmers’ markets. It's typically the first Thursday of the month. Can't beat free, fresh and friendly!

The best thing in/about your neighborhood is: I live in Duboce Triangle and love it. It's so very walkable. The sidewalks of Noe Street have lovely little bulb-outs, benches and hang-out nooks. Plus we've got a great "Little Free Library" near 15th Street. That is, when it isn't being stolen or set on fire. We can't have nice things.

Your favorite Bay Area restaurant is: Emmy's Spaghetti Shack in Bernal Heights. Their spaghetti and meatballs call me to them like the sirens, plus there's usually a huge portion left over to take home and then promptly forget in the fridge.

Place you always tell visitors to the Bay Area to check out: Tartine Bakery. Sure, everyone outside of SF knows sourdough and Boudin, but I want visitors to know what we love and would get in line for — a country loaf fresh out of the oven at 4:30 p.m. that's so warm, yeasty and moist you HAVE to spoil your appetite and eat some of it walking home.

You have two hours and $25 bucks to kill in SF, what are you going to do?: I'll load up on peculiar art at Frankenart Mart in the Inner Richmond on their free hot dog day. Usually every first Sunday afternoon, this quirky, tiny art space has a veggie vs. beef hot dog giveaway battle (beef usually wins). And they've always got some slightly off-kilter exhibit going on. Right now, it's an old west "Sarsaparilla Saloon" with a frontier root beer bar and cat brothel. Yeah...you read that right, a cat brothel. For $25 I could probably load up on four or five unique art pieces from the exhibit, plus have a fun afternoon crafting something like a self-portrait made out of ketchup and mustard. And then you spin the "wheel of fortune" to get either 20% off, or (heaven forbid) land on having to pay 20% extra. This totally participatory art space is like a playground for creating things — one of those places that could probably only exist in a city like San Francisco.

Favorite mode of transportation: My feet! I grew up in LA taking a car everywhere and found it very isolating. I love walking whenever I can — running into people along the way, and experiencing the city as a pedestrian.

Beer, wine, cocktails, or mocktails (please elaborate): Cocktails, without a doubt! I'm partial to cuba libres at the moment (rum, Coke and lime). I've never had a bad well rum, so it's usually dead cheap during happy hours.

Favorite Bay Area stereotype, and whether or not you buy into it: We're all bike-riding, eco-friendly coffee snobs who work at tech companies and get insanely-awesome free lunches. I don't own a bike, I don't drink coffee, but I do recycle and would love to get me some Googley-lunch action now and again. Their salted chocolate chip cookies are amaz-ing.

San Franciscans are the WORST about: Hating on LA. I love it when we San Francsicans are so very proud of where we live that it comes out of our pores. But spending time and energy disliking LA is rather unbecoming of a city as awesome as SF.

SF has the BEST: Creative people. There's something about this city that attracts people who love throwing really fun and bizarre events. I think it has to do with people feeling free here in SF to be whomever they want and to create whatever events are in their heart. So we're a city filled with people who want others to experience their art simply because it's amazing to create and share something and see other people enjoy it.

You can tell someone is a local here IF: They get excited by seeing a movie or TV show with a scene of San Francisco in it. In what other city will people cheer in a movie theater if their city appears on the screen? I love it!

I have found/sold/bought the following on Craigslist: Like, everything. Cell phones, roller blades, Giants tickets, carpool road trips, dog crates, crazy roommates who accused me of stealing her mail...you name it. And I owe Funcheap almost completely to Craigslist. My very first week doing it, I posted my listing of free events on Craigslist and got 100 people to join my email list right away. That told me that there were other people who liked free things to do.

What do you want all SFist readers out there to know about your city? If you're not going out and always trying to discover new fun things to do, then you're missing out on one of the best reasons why we pay this insanely-high cost to live in San Francisco. But too many people (including me, sometimes) are instead sitting at home with Netflix. To help keep the city's arts culture thriving, I'd love it if each month everyone in SF challenged themselves to try to find just one new event to experience.

Noted San Francisco eccentric Frank Chu sat down with the Internet on Friday to answer some long-burning questions about... well, about pretty much anything, really. Frank covered topics ranging from the origin of the 12 galaxies, shoe shopping, his intergalactic acting career, and the best place to grab a drink after a long day of protesting. Here now, a condensed version of Frank Chu's Reddit Ask Me Anything event:

Right off the bat, one user asked, "Can you list the 12 Galaxies for us?" Frank's response listed only nine:

Frank_Chu: The Quintronic Society Quadronic Rocket Society Tetratronic Space Vacations Betatronic Flying Saucers The Alphatronic Rocket Vacations Asteroid Society Android Planets Humanoid Society Humans

To follow up, Frank gives the "beginners guide to the 12 Galaxies:"

Frank_Chu: More advanced populations on other planets. They were using mostly flying saucers and space vacations and rocket societies instead of mostly using cars. The 12 Galaxies with Clinton stole my money as a movie star

So why does Frank protest? The idea began after "Lenin and some Soviet Presidents" spoke to him via ESP. The goal, however, is to get paid for his acting work, obviously. When asked exactly how much he is owed for this intergalactic movie career, Frank responds:

Frank_Chu:Probably the damages might go beyond 3 billions.

I never met Bill Clinton, but I told Jimmy Carter that I was a movie star. The UN presidents and their friends with the ESP told me about Bill Clinton with friends at 12 galaxies of populations that are guilty, involved with not paying me as a movie star.

But what about Hillary? And Barack Obama? How would he evaluate those two?

Frank_Chu: Barack Obama is an innocent party also. And I think he will eventually help me with my campaigns. And I think Hillary Clinton is also part of the innocent parties. I think Hillary could be an ideal candidate. [...]

I think Bill Clinton is with the 12 Galaxies. Some of the duplicates of Bill Clinton were innocent parties. There were duplicates of him.

So is Bill Clinton the only one to duplicate himself?

Frank_Chu: No there are probably several other duplicates of several other former presidents, too. [...]

The CIA second salaries are top secret they can disappear into thin air and they have duplicates also.

Diving further into Frank's mysterious past, redditor Titan43x asks, "Prior to protesting (and acting), what was your career? Did you attend college? If so, for what?"

Frank_Chu: I used to attend UC Berkeley. I was also a class 1 truck driver for a while I think there was a lot of discrimination by the 12 Galaxies at UCB so I had to transfer out to Cal State Hayward. I also went to College of Alameda and got an Associates in Business Admin.

Could there possibly be a 13th Galaxy?

Frank_Chu: The 13 galaxies and beyond are the innocent parties.

What about the bar 12 Galaxies? The one that closed ages ago?

Frank_Chu: Probably the CIA was involved with some discrimination with the 12 Galaxies of populations.

So, some of those words on the sign, they seem made up. Redditor Nedscape asks, "Some of the words on your posters are not in the dictionary. Where do they come from?"

Frank_Chu: The UN presidents and their friends with the ESP can help me with choosing syllables that are referring to terminology outdating today's dictionary.

So how does Frank know where to show up and when?

Frank_Chu: I receive fliers for special events. My friend checks indybay.org for me. I met some of the staff at Answer Coalition. I also check the Bay Guardian and the Examiner. Sometimes friends tell me about events. Some regular events I just know about. I also check the calendar of the San Francisco Visitor Center.

Redditor amcampbell asked, "Frank, I think you are awesome! But one day you yelled at me when I was walking by and you seemed angry. Just having a bad day?"

Frank_Chu: Sometimes I was brainwashed very severely by some very corrupt types of murder cases that were committed by them from the 12 Galaxies. And also most of the former presidents of the White House were identified as guilities with murder cases. And I was brainwashed very severely. So i was countering that type of brainwashing, and that's why I was raising my voice.

Right, of course. When asked for the best place to find shoes if you're a wandering sign-holder who spends most of his time on his feet, Frank responded:

Frank_Chu: I usually go to the Payless Shoe Stores. You can save a little money buying shoes over there.

And the best place for lunch on Market Street? Either Sarku restaurant or the Panda Express in the Westfield Center where Frank usually orders either the Chicken Mushrooms or the Beef with broccoli. And Frank's favorite place to hang out after a long day of protesting? It's the Cheesecake Factory, where he can watch over the city from above Union Square or the Starbucks in Hotel Nikko.

And finally, on whether you should ever say hi if you spot Frank on the street:

Frank_Chu: Yes, you can say "what's up", that would be nice!

To dive even deeper into the 12 galaxies, you can sort through the all the Q&A here.

Ever since SFist and Laughing Squid published word that KitTea, a cat cafe, will be coming to San Francisco, the story has since hit the national scene. Why, it even made a cameo in The Onion's American Voices this week (e.g., "Ever since my cat died, I have been looking to get back out there and mingle," Jackson Grant - Trolley Operator).

To find out more about KitTea, slated for a summer-fall opening in Hayes Valley or the Mission District, SFist talked to cafe co-founder Courtney Hatt for more details.

SFist: Just to get it out of the way is this a hoax? Hope you don't take offense to such a question. Just wanted to ask since some old-media types have tried suggestion as much. an you relief our fears of never stepping foot inside a cat cafe, please?!
Courtney Hatt: This is not a hoax. All of our cats will legitimately be refugees from the planet Melmac... (The very same planet the cat eating alien ALF is from.) Just kidding... Our team is completely on the ball and dedicated to bringing KitTea to San Francisco in the next 4 to 5 months. We are fine tuning every detail and making sure we get approvals and the correct city permits from all of the right places. This is our biggest hurdle, since even the city is slightly confused with what we will need, because the concept is foreign to most; however, everyone thus far has been really helpful and supportive.

SFist: How are you going about working with the health-related concerns?
Hatt: We will work closely with San Francisco's Food Safety Manager Kenny Wong. Kenny is the main guy who says yes or no to our endeavor. So far he has been very helpful and informative of what we'll need to do to succeed.

SFist: Do you have any funding behind KitTea? If so, can you tell us more?
Hatt: We will be launching a crowdfunding page on crowdtilt.com in the next week or so. Those who support our crowdfunding venture will benefit from all sorts of KitTea perks (e.g., reservations for the first two opening weeks, VIP KitTea event passes for the year, etc.) If our crowdfunding page is a total flop, however, we will go to plan B, which is investing more of our own money and hiring Puss in Boots from Shrek to bat his big adorable eyes at angel investors.

SFist: Do you have a specific neighborhood in mind for KitTea?
Hatt: We are going to begin negotiations for a space in Hayes Valley in the next week. We're also very interested in the Mission District. My personal vote is for Hayes Valley, but that's just because I am selfish and would love to walk to work everyday!

SFist: I am going to assume you do, but do you two have any pets of your own?
Hatt: I have three cats. Shadow is my all black cat I rescued from a shelter in Santa Monica, CA. I truly admire her spirit. She is always purring, loving, happy and completely relaxed! This is why she is the poster cat for KitTea and is featured as the background image on kitteasf.com and our Facebook page. Sophie is my first born and I adopted her in West Hollywood at a veterinarian clinic. She was one of many cats dwelling in the infamous Ambassador Hotel before it was demolished. My last and more recent addition to the family is Bindi, she is the youngest and most feisty of the three. I adopted her at the SFSPCA. She's a little fire ball and constantly makes me laugh.

David has two cats of his own, Oreo Cat and Kit Cat. They are both rescues and have lovely personalities. Oreo Cat is very curious and gregarious, while Kit Cat has a much softer and very sweet way about her.

SFist: How long have you and David Braginsky lived in San Francisco?
Hatt: I moved to San Francisco in May of 2010 from Seattle, WA and David has lived in San Francisco for the past 3 years.

SFist: And finally, will ALF make an appearance at KitTea?
Hatt: ALF is welcome to visit KitTea, but he will be very closely monitored. We'll need to have a SWAT team ready to pounce if he starts acting suspicious.

-----

"An elegant organic one-pound fruit cake, perfumed with port and brandy." - The New York Times
"I had to make a special trip to BiRite just to see the $50/lb. fruitcake I heard about. It's real!" - @chrisna

It's Christmastime, and that means a host of holiday baked goods has hit the shelves, not least of which is that titan of impersonal Christmas gifting, the indefatigable fruitcake. Undaunted by the mockery of those weirded out by this cake's melange of desiccated fruit, sha-penaliva-sapping texture and booze-soaked heft, the fruitcake persists. And no fruitcake better represents the Bay Area's offering than June Taylor's Christmas Cake, which costs a mere ha'penny $50 at your local Bi-Rite, farmers market or specialty foodstuffs outlet.

We sat down with the verdantly-wrapped loaf to learn more about the Middle Ages, hate-gifting and fruitcake redemption.

SFist: How much do you weigh?
Fruitcake: Whoa! Whoa! Can I get a merry Christmas first?

SFist: Sorry. Our good manners went out the door last time we checked our bank account. What we're getting at here is, and don't take this the wrong way, just how much booze is inside you right now?
Fruitcake: I can assure you that I am soaked far beyond medically-recommended limits with the finest private reserve port from St. George Spirits.

SFist: That sounds delicious. So do you consider yourself a bit of a one-percenter?
Fruitcake: The only thing one percent about me is the percent I give a shit about Internet fruitcake haters. Actually, make that zero percent.

SFist: Tell me a bit more about yourself and your background, if you don't mind.
Fruitcake: Not at all. My ancestry goes all the way back to Ancient Rome, when what I assume were accomplished scholars, sculptors and well-muscled centurions baked me with pomegranate seeds, pine nuts, raisins and barley mash. Preserved fruits and honey came into play in the Middle Ages, when kings feasted on fruitcakes before their untimely gout and hemophilia-related deaths. At some point along the way, people realized that soaking me in brandy and other liqueurs made me both extra delicious and resistant to mold, which as you can imagine …

SFist: … that's a win-win.
Fruitcake: Especially in the Middle Ages. I mean that shit was rough. The ratio of moldy food to non-moldy food was ... well frankly it was not good.

SFist: So how have things changed for fruitcakes over the decades?
Fruitcake: Somewhere along the line, people realized that we made good Christmas gifts for people you wouldn't want to touch with a ten-food pole. For reasons mentioned above, we ship really well, so Aunt Erma with the halitosis or the in-laws or whatever can get a present in the mail without you having to physically be near them or talk to them. So fruitcake was popularized but in this kind of backhanded way. Like, getting a fruitcake meant your friends and family kind of hated you.

SFist: And how does that make you feel?
Fruitcake: Well, here's the trick. I am fucking delicious. I mean look: my preparation takes an entire whole year, from candying citrus peels in winter and drying stone fruits and grapes in the summer. I've got port, brandy, spices, more brandy, the whole nine yards. And if you pick me up, you'll see that this small package has the same weight and consistency as a month-old baby. I mean, I am the golden god of fruitcakes. June Taylor, who makes me, even watercolors my wrapper and hand-labels me with a letterpress.

SFist: ...
Fruitcake: Goddamn it. Point being, no one is going to shell out $50 to give someone they hate a fruitcake. We're going to start a revolution.

SFist: So do you feel like public perception of fruitcakes is changing?
Fruitcake: I hope so. I'd really like to see younger folks getting into fruitcakes, maybe having parties with lots of cocaine and orgies and fruitcakes. Maybe in the Hollywood hills, or upper echelons of Marin County high schools ...

SFist: That … I'm sorry, that might not happen.
Fruitcake: Have you eaten me yet?

SFist: No ... I don't think I can afford you.
Fruitcake: Don't knock me until you've tried me.

In other news, this fruitcake looks absolutely delicious and we're currently accepting donations towards the SFist Fruitcake Opportunity Fund, through which underfed blog staffers are paired with inspiring fruitcake slices to provide holiday survival mentoring and support.

Matt Werner, author and tech writer at Google, has had unbridled success with the advent of Oakland Unseen, a popular parody Tumblr billed as Oakland's answer to The Onion. Last Friday, Werner released the first-ever print edition of Oakland Unseen. On the dawn of his publication's physical manifestation (don't worry, fans, his work can and will still be found online!), SFist asked Werner five questions about his leap to print. And more.

1. Why did you decide to go to print?

Matt Werner: I decided to go to print because just over a month ago, the story Jack White Flight: Hipsters Fleeing Oakland in Record Numbers went viral. It got over 25,000 hits in under a week, which is a lot for a fake news site about Oakland (which has a population of 400,000).

I saw that the audience for these satirical pieces about life in the East Bay wasn't restricted to local journalists and those blogging about city politics, but that mainstream readers were also interested in these fake news stories.

And why I decided to do print in addition to the online version is because working with the print medium, you're able to do things that you can't online. For example, I'm proud of pages 2 and 3 that Greg Frazier did the layout for. We were about to fill a map of Oakland and a map of the Bay Area with news briefs, and cram in a ton of stories on the 12"x22" paper (24"x22" across the spread) that we couldn't as easily do online. Also, a number of the pieces play off each other, and having a print version, we're able to group the top stories around Local Politics, Sports, Oakland Tourism, and create separate sections for each.

2. How do you come up with your story ideas?

There's no real science to it. I try to write for 2-3 hours 5 days a week. I'm not writing exclusively for Oakland Unseen, but just whatever I'm interested in writing about outside of work. I covered a number of local news stories for Oakland Local over the last couple years, and I've written two books on Oakland and the Bay Area in the past two years. But my last project (Bay Area Underground) and my next project (a play set around September 11th in San Francisco) are very serious projects, and I wanted to do something lighter in between.

Oakland Unseen is a collection of the "unseen" or unheard stories in Oakland. I like The Onion's pieces, but many of them seem to have an East Coast or Midwest bias. So I thought up last October before the 2012 elections, what if The Onion had an Oakland bureau? What would that look like? And I started posting satirical news articles to OaklandUnseen.tumblr.com.

As for the writing process, I come up with most ideas based on observations about life in Oakland, and some people email their ideas into oaklandunseen@gmail.com. I have a small committee that vets the ideas and pieces before they go out so that they're not mean-spirited, but that they're shedding light on an issue in Oakland in a funny or creative way.

So, for example, I haven't been to Burning Man, but I know enough people who've gone from the Bay Area and heard their stories about Burning Man, that I wrote a few fictional pieces about the event. I ran them by my Burner friends before publishing to get their feedback — saying that I don't want to insult the Burner community, but kind of poke fun at the absurdity of the event (from an outsider's perspective) and the stereotypes associated with the event. I incorporated their constructive feedback, and ran pieces like "With Burners Gone, Oakland Residents Have One of the Most Productive Weeks in Recent Memory."

We don't want to laugh at people, but to laugh with them. There's a lot of absurdity in Oakland and the greater Bay Area, that sometimes people reply on Twitter asking if a story is actually true. When I ran "Powerful Vegan Lobby Leads Crusade Against SFO Being Renamed Milk Airport," people replied asking who runs this vegan lobby, and how is it so powerful? And why are they against SFO being renamed after Harvey Milk? I've clearly marked that this is all fake news.

If I have any hesitation with an article, I'll sit on it and run it by a number of people to get their reactions and responses before running or pulling the piece.

3. Who, in print/online, are your comedic inspirations/influences?

This is my first real attempt at comedic writing outside of my first book Papers for the Suppression of Reality, which could be termed "postmodern" or "academic humor."

I interned and volunteered at McSweeney's Publishing for 5 years in the Mission District, so McSweeney's has had a big influence over my writing style. As for Oakland Unseen in particular, The Onion, Daily Show, and Colbert Report — specifically Stephen Colbert's 2006 White House Correspondents' Dinner Address are the closest direct influences.

Other publications that I draw inspiration from are the online sites: Scoopertino, The Pan-Arabia Enquirer, and Kickstriker, and the classic print publications Army Man and Might Magazine.

4. Do you plan an Unseen for San Francisco? Or better yet, Orinda?

I don't currently plan an Unseen edition for San Francisco, although I have plenty of ideas — or better yet — Marin County is just a rife target for satire. Dana Carvey has a brilliant standup routine about Prius-driving Marin parents, and there is plenty of material to do a similar publication on San Francisco or Marin, but right now I don't think I'm the right person to do it because what I know best is Oakland and Berkeley.

And because so much of the media in the Bay Area is focused on San Francisco, I purposely left much of my SF fake news coverage out of the print version of Oakland Unseen, to show that there's also a lot happening on the East Bay, and that if there's this much fake news about the East Bay — there are plenty more real news stories on the East Bay that aren't currently being covered by the mainstream media. I'm just scratching the surface.

5. Anything else you want to tell our readers?

Oakland Unseen is an attempt to show the lighter side of life in Oakland. So much media coverage about Oakland just focuses on the violence and robberies in the city. I'm not denying that Oakland has a high crime rate, but crime isn't the only story about Oakland. In my piece "SF Chronicle Criticized for Publishing Too Much Positive Press about Oakland," and throughout the paper, I offer alternate story lines about Oakland.

Also, I was the editor of the project, and Joe Sciarrillo is the publisher under Thought Publishing, Susie Cagle drew seven drawings in the paper, including the hipster drawing on the front page and the 4 fake "Visit Oakland" tourist t-shirts. Greg Frazier did the design and layout. We also had anonymous submissions from Oakland residents.

-----

For the type of person who requires an infusion of cute Internet cats to get through the workday (a.k.a. most people), Lil Bub needs no introduction. The mega-adorable "permakitten" from Bloomington, Indiana has blossomed from an Internet curiosity to a bonafide media property: in September alone, she's been the subject of a feature-length Vice documentary, Lil Bub & Friendz; released her first tome, Lil Bub's Lil Book; and commenced a talk show, "Lil Bub's Big Show."

We met Bub and her owner, Mike Bridavsky, at the Yerba Buena Gardens between stops on their busy San Francisco press tour. Bridavsky was, as he himself admits, absolutely exhausted, but Bub was in good spirits, romping across the grass for the photos above. After Bub had been re-installed in her cat carrier, we talked to Bridavsky about the unusual existence of having a celebrity pet.

Is this your first time in San Francisco? What do you think so far?

It's great. I love the weather. I know we got lucky, but the weather has been especially spectacular so far.

What kind of events have you guys been doing?

A lot. We did book signings...the first was at Spoke Art Gallery, and after that there was an art exhibit that was all Bub paintings, from 60 internationally renowned artists. It was one of the coolest things I think I've ever been a part of. Then yesterday, we did a meet-and-greet at the Rickshaw Stop with Burger Records, who are big fans of Bub. We did a book signing there, then they screened the documentary. And then after that, there was a rock show...in honor of my cat. [Laughs.]

That's a pretty good feeling, I imagine.

It's all a pretty good feeling, but I'm so exhausted right now. That's the only thing.

Your day job is owning a recording studio. How much time have you been able to dedicate to that, given the fame of your cat?

Not much. I've hired a guy to pick up the slack for me. But that's still what I do...well, every now and then, at least.

What's the craziest reaction people have had upon meeting Bub?

People cry a lot, but one woman actually fell to her knees sobbing. At every meet-and-greet, at least one person cries; yesterday, there was a young guy, like a hardcore kid, who started crying. It's actually pretty common.

Do they ever explain to you why they're in tears?

I don't think an explanation is needed. They feel comfortable crying around her. They're tears of happiness, of course. But we're actually going to cut down on them...the events for the public are cool, but it's a little intense for me and for everyone: Bub, the people working, the people waiting for three hours in line. It's been fun, but I think we're going to cool it for a while.

You've been doing them as animal-welfare fundraisers, right?

Yeah, there's always a charitable aspect. I do think it's a great thing, but at some point, you think, I need a break. And she probably does too.

How is traveling for Bub? Can she handle it pretty well?

It's actually really good for her. She's really spry and active when we travel. [As we've been talking, Bub has been attempting to climb out of her carrier.] This is new for her, this kind of mobility. We're doing a new treatment, and we've learned more about her disease, which is very rare. We travel a lot, and I've always notice that whenever we travel, she does better. We found out that the vibrations from driving and flying are very good for her bones; it helps these certain cells break down, which don't break down naturally, like they do in most cats. That's why she's able to stand upright, and she was running around at the last place we were at, which is the first time that's happened since she was three months old.

What is it about her bones that make it hard for her to walk?

It's called osteopetrosis-- not osteoporosis, osteopetrosis. Her bones become more dense, twisted, and deformed as she gets older; she almost has no marrow cavity, and they continually get bigger and more deformed. That was what was starting to limit her mobility, and made her so awkward. She's the only cat in recorded history to be born with this disease...it's exceptionally rare in any species. [Gestures to climbing Bub.] This was absolutely unheard of for her only three months ago. Climbing out of her carrier is insane.

Bub was born feral. How did she come to be yours?

My friend's mom found her in her tool shed when she was about one week old, and saw that she needed special care, or she wouldn't survive. She bottle-fed her until about eight weeks, and that's when my friend sent me a photo of her as a kitten. I was like, "I have to meet this cat." I took her home immediately. I mean, she's the most amazing animal in the world.

Does she have to eat special food?

She has to eat prescription food right now, for urinary tract health-- she had crystals in her bladder. But before that, she just ate regular food.

So, you guys just had a big day recently.

Yeah, September 3rd was Good Job Bub Day, and we released the book, the documentary, and our talk show all at the same time.

How do you put the talk show together? I assume you record the interviews separately.

Each one's different, the first one [with Whoopi Goldberg] was just a Skype interview, but some of them are more involved: we actually meet up with the guest, and they interact.

How did that get started?

Well, anything we do, people come to us. I never seek out anything-- that's kind of been my rule from the beginning. When they came to us, I wasn't sure, and I agreed to do it if I had full creative freedom, full control over everything, and got to choose who I worked with. And they said yes, which is awesome. It doesn't work that way normally, but when you have a Bub, you get what you want. My friend Mark Pallman and I created the concept, I write it, and he's the director and producer. He's awesome: he also helped with the book, we've been writing music, and we've played music and been on tour together in the past, so he's a very close friend.

Given that you already have a recording studio, will there be Bub music at some point?

We've talked about it...for fun, of course. [Bub tries to break free to run across the grass.] Bub, I know, it looks fun, but you have to stay here now. [To us.] Now that she's capable of running, oh man...

You recently were the subject of a Buzzfeed listicle that was a tribute to your attractiveness. Have you found love through the Bub project?

No. I don't really have time, it's like she's my girlfriend. [Laughs.] It's weird...I get hit on by girls, because I have a famous cat, but that doesn't really equate to love, I don't think.

You have other cats, right?

Four other cats.

And how does she get along with your cats?

They don't live together. She can't really be around other cats, they get freaked out. The other cats live in the recording studio, and she lives with me in my apartment...

Security guard: [Approaching.] Hello, there are no pets allowed in the park.

Mike: This is Lil Bub, man.

Security guard: Hmm?

Mike: This is Lil Bub.

SFist: She's a celebrity cat.

Mike: It's like kicking out Robin Williams from your park.

Security guard: Well, rules are rules. I'm just doing my job.

Mike: It's OK, we'll go, thank you. [Starts to pack up.]

Do you ever get tired of being Lil Bub's dad?

Like, personally? No, she's awesome. But publically...yeah, it's a little weird. I tried to stay out of it for a long time, but once they started filming the documentary, and people asked us if we'd appear on shows, I had to. I think it's weird getting noticed for being the owner of a cat.

Well, this is the Robin Williams of cats, as you said yourself.

Ugh, I don't know why I picked Robin Williams. I could have picked a much cooler celebrity.

-----

For more Bub: Lil Bub and Friendz is viewable online in its entirety at Vice. "Lil Bub's Big Show," her Web talk show, is available on YouTube. Lil Bub's Lil Book is available at Amazon. And for those needing a daily infusion of Bub, she's an active user of Instagram and Tumblr.

As the second tower of the One Rincon Hill complex takes shape, we asked him to stop by SFist for a chat. Here's what the up-and-coming North Tower had to say about sibling rivalry, girls, and more.

SFist: Welcome, thanks for stopping by.
Tower: Hi! Happy to be here.

SFist: Tells us a little bit about what you've been up to.
Tower: Well, as you know I'm growing up fast. Construction crews have set an elevator core up to about the 40th story, installation of the glass exterior has started, and I just discovered my big brother's stash of Playboy magazines.

SFist: Oh, so you're going through puberty, then?
Tower: Oh yeah, and it's not pretty. Major duck phase.

SFist: What's your relationship like with your brother the South Tower?
Tower: Well, he's been around a few years, and I'm new and young, so I think there's some jealousy and rivalry there. He's used to being the only one, you know? Even though he always knew I was planned. So, you know, he pushes me around a little bit.

SFist: How do you feel about the height discrepancy between you two?
Tower: Listen, I know I'm shorter. I'll probably only be about 495 feet with 45 stories, and the South Tower is 60 stories and stands 641 feet. And I know I'm going to get a lot of jokes and laughs over that, but you know what? I'm okay with it. I don't need to be that huge tall building that messes with the city skyline, although I might do some of that too if you know I mean! But no, it doesn't bother me. If a girl goes for my brother just because he's taller, then she's superficial and not the girl for me.

SFist: What kind of girl are you looking for?
Tower: Tall, can walk in heels, that kind of thing. It's a practical matter. No one under 5' 9".

SFist: What are your goals, as a tower?
Tower: Well, the usual things first and foremost. Don't fall over, etc. But I'd really love what the Walkie-Talkie building is doing over in London. He melted a car, for chrissakes! He's burning things, all with the concentrated energy of the sun. I don't know if I'm good enough at math and physics to manage something like that, but it's kind of a dream of mine.

SFist: Well ... good luck with that?
Tower: Thank you!

SFist: Any other architectural role models?
Tower: Garisenda, the shorter of the two leaning towers of Bologna, Italy. He's been around since the 12th-century and has never once let the taller Asinelli tower make him feel insignificant or overshadowed. Except obviously when, due to the angle of the sun, he is literally overshadowed.

SFist: What's your favorite book?
Tower: J. R. R. Tolkien's The Two Towers.

SFist: Favorite movie?
Tower: Peter Jackson's movie adaptation of "The Two Towers".

SFist: Favorite ... ? Oh fuck it. Get out of here you crazy kid. Good luck with all that.
Tower: Smell you later!

If you've had your finger on the pulse of local, Craigslist-based anonymous ranting, you're well aware of the mystery-shrouded and sharp-tongued individual whose tirades against Google Glass wearers have captured the imagination and ire of many. From a July 31 post detailing the "fuckin' idiot bougie Asher-Roth-on-LP small dick nerd-toucher" wearing Glass at a Run the Jewels show to a breastfeeding mother caught sporting Glass at West of Pecos to a "a limp-faced eunuch" dining along with Glass at Delfina, no one wearing the face computer is safe from the harshly eloquent wrath of the person we'll call "Ollie."

We tracked down Ollie to talk over some issues raised by the posts. (Many of the sentiments expressed here echo Uptown Almanac as well.) Warning for easily jangled nerves: strong language and opinions ahead.

SFist: Are you the Craiglist Google Glass critic?

Ollie: Yes.

SFist: How many posts have you written about Google Glass?

Ollie: I think there are three currently online, or maybe some of them have expired. There have been more, but they were less angry. God willing, I’ll never have to write another one, but if I keep seeing these idiot Glassholes in public, I’ll keep writing them. Sooner or later someone else will join in. Hate will sew us together.

SFist: What's at the root of your obvious hatred of Google Glass?

Ollie: Two things. One, it's a fucking hyper-expensive toy for idiot children. There are many worthwhile potential applications of Google Glass as it's likely to exist in the future—surgery, fetish porn, monitoring law enforcement—but the incremental value for a regular consumer is nil. It’s just a stupid toy for people who have too much money and who apparently want to skyrocket to the “America’s Most Muggable” list. I mean, I saw that prick wearing Glass at the Run The Jewels show—and Run The Jewels is fucking rap group named after a slang term for robbing people. All of their songs are about crime. Jesus, dude. Awful tone detection. And did you hear about that guy who walked into a big-ass glass pane because he was watching YouTube on his Glass? This. This is the fucking doofus userbase of Google Glass. Fuck them. [Ed. note: Sources say this is an urban legend.]

Two—and maybe this sounds like hippy shit—it represents to me the most aggressive effort to remove people from having to actually experience the world around them. I think the term for it is “present absence”—where you’re physically in a location like the street or a train or whatever, but for whatever reason you’re not emotionally or mentally engaged in the world around you. It’s enjoyable and also upsetting.

I mean, think about Google nerds on the Google bus: do you really belong to a neighborhood if you have a free shuttle from your doorstep and you can order all your food from your iPad? Are you really in a place if you can turn on your Glass and don’t need to look or listen to anything around you? It’s brutally self-indulgent and broadly appealing. And that’s poisonous. You’re putting yourself into the isolation pod.

SFist: What is a nerd-toucher?

Ollie: It is a pejorative term. Its meaning should be self-evident. Please use it constantly.

SFist: Why have you taken to Craigslist to voice your displeasure about all this? What does that platform afford you? It's a pretty old-school approach.

Ollie: I don’t know if I’ve ever thought about any of that. It's a place you can write things. It is a medium designed for anonymity, public access, and hyper-temporality. It is low-commitment, non-self-aggrandizing, and lends itself well to writing shit while throwed. All of these things are good.

SFist: What do you think of the current tech/gentrification conversation that's going on in S.F. right now? Where are we headed with that?

Ollie: At Valencia and 15th there's a complex opening up that costs $2000/head. Two fucking thousand dollars a head. Kitty-corner away at Mission and 16th you've got the city capitol for stabcrimes. The rate of violent crime in the Mission has only increased over the past six years—I think that's how long SFPD has put crime reports online—and that's when rents have really started to take off.

I don't have an answer. I'm a smart person, kind of, but I understand I lack the context and foresight to offer an answer of any actionable value. In a certain meaning of the word, though, I am content to say "here is a tower where wealthy-ass boring motherfuckers eat $50 pizzas and here is a corner where folks get stabbed, and this optical contrast is fucked up." We should feel bad about this. There's a certain virulent strain of Aspiring Rich Person who treats this process as acceptable, or as some kind of necessary tradeoff for "development"—which has taken on a role in the vernacular as a widely misused bullshit-word for when you need to run coverage on some real heinous shit—and that's some borderline sociopathy.

SFist: What do you love and hate about this city?

Ollie: I love the important things. Dore Alley was a couple weeks ago. I was biking through the Mission and I saw a guy walking his kid on a leash. The guy's shirt said "WHORE FUCKER." Three blocks away I threw a thumbs-up at a guy casually stroking off in a crosswalk.

I love that I can walk around and run into Jello Biafra or Russell Quan in a bar. I love that I can go to the San Bruno mountains and walk through four different biospheres in an afternoon. I love that I can look up cool facts about ants and send photos of ants to the Academy of Sciences. I like taking drugs and biking through the park and listening to music. I like that I keep running into compassionate, intelligent weirdos.

I hate a lot of Bay Area things because I need a reason to keep drinking—self-described “entrepreneurs,” technolibertarians, pickup artists, pompous shitheel Dave Morin—but here are two of them:

I hate commodity fetishization. I don't mean that in the Marxist sense. I mean the process of deriving of pleasure from the purchase of commercial goods above and beyond the actual value or utility of the product.

I also hate a manifestation of one of the things that makes the Bay Area great: its willingness to accept failure. In sharp contrast to many other parts of the world, starting a thing and bombing doesn't preclude you from trying it again. That’s good, but taken to an extreme you see a particularly stupid thing happen: a little backward spin of logic which arrives at the conclusion that all companies, or groups, or ideas have merit simply because they exist. That’s why you have stupid bubble startups and “ideas men” and, fuck, that insipid worm-munching Draper University of Heroes bullshit sucked down with starry-eyed enthusiasm by people who purport the trappings of intelligence.

SFist: How do you think we can save our humanity or avoid the sort of dystopian scenario that you seem to be anticipating?

Ollie: Well, i don't think we'll get there; we're suffering from a massive continental drought and all of our toys require a fuckton of blood and resources. The American Ideal Way Of Being is incredibly unsustainable at larger volume.

SFist: Well that's reassuring.

Look for more Glass commentary over on Craiglist. For now, here's Ollie's latest (click to enlarge):

[DoVulcanTitsDefyLogic]
[Uptown Almanac]

We'd met Cynar before, both in Italy and in the particularly well-stocked liquor cabinets of friends. But this unique spirit is popping up around town like never before, so we sat down with Cynar to talk artichokes, cocktails and Cynar's uneasy history with Fernet.

SFist: Can you share with us what you are, precisely?
Cynar: Sì, certo. I am an amaro liqueur made from 13 herbs and plants, of which artichoke (Cynara scolymus) is the most notable. (The other ingredients are secret, much like your American Coca-Cola!)

SFist: Artichoke! Do you think that scares people away? There's a big artichoke visible on your label.
Cynar: Perhaps yes, perhaps no. It is important to remember that I do not taste so much like artichoke. I have an herbal, bittersweet flavor. I can be enjoyed as a digestif, an apéritif, or in cocktails. I am a friendly guy!

SFist: Are you kind of like Fernet?
Cynar: No.

SFist: Not at all like Fernet?
Cynar: Fernet and I, we used to be amici. We were both dark, both amaros, both full of herbal flavor. But something happened long ago. I don't care to discuss it. Let us say that Fernet's acrid nature came out. I am bitter, yes, but also with sweetness. Fernet can hurt you ... in the mouth, and also in the heart.

SFist: I'm sorry to hear that. How long have you been around? It seems like you've been all over the S.F. cocktail scene in the last couple years.
Cynar: I was born in 1952. In a lot of ways I'm your typical 61-year-old Italian. I like sitting on the sidewalk with my friends, watching the world go by. I like playing bocce and smoking cigarettes.

SFist: Where can we find you around town?
Cynar: I'm in most bars, right next to the bottles of Aperol and Campari. You can order me on the rocks or with a splash of soda. In Switzerland they drink me with orange juice! It is crazy, yes. But it is also delicious.

SFist: How about cocktail menus? Are there any cocktails around town that showcase your fine flavors?
Cynar: Oh, yes. There are many, many. The 'Two Sisters' at Two Sisters with templeton rye, Cynar, punt e mes and bitters. The Mescal Paloma at Nopalito with Del Maguey Vida, grapefruit, soda and Cynar. The Nobody’s Dirty Business at Dalva with Batavia Arrack, Bonal, Maraschino liqueur, lime, Cynar and Prosecco. There are many!

SFist: What do you say to people that think you're disgusting?
Cynar: There are many people in the world. Some like Peroni, some like Prosecco. Some like gelato, others prefer sorbetto. Some like Cynar. Others say 'no, grazie!' to Cynar. It is a big world. If you do not like me, it does not mean I do not like you. We can all be friends, yes?

SFist: Yes!