We're streaming our service now! Join us for worship and a message from Ps @BrianCHouston at https://t.co/UD41BxjvCU pic.twitter.com/UcORbvSaUC

— Hillsong Church (@hillsong) February 6, 2016

Now that the allegedly dystopian vision of San Francisco is all but complete, all we need is a Pentecostal megachurch to really cement the deal. Enter the Hillsong Church. The massive song-and-dance church is headquartered in Australia, with boutique congregations in France, England, South Africa, and Brazil. Now they could be coming for you, you heathens.

The basics: Hillsong Church was founded in Sydney, New South Wales in 1983 and is giant, theatrical, and influential in Pentecostal/Charismatic church circles. Best known for the music they produce, Hillsong-penned tunes are sung in other churches of varying denominations around the world. Being a Pentecostal church, yes, they do believe in such traditions as speaking in tongues and Gifts of the Spirit, but they're also comparatively progressive to their contemporaries. For example, they're have women in leadership positions and proudly count heaps of hipsters and young folks as part of their congregations. They also hold spectacular concerts every week. (The photo above looks like a revival of Starlight Express, which we mean in the most wonderful way possible.) Hillsong is also a champion of the pastor-turned-celebrity, with Carl Lentz being a notable example.

The church has also fallen to controversy. Pastor Frank Houston, father of Hillsong co-founder Brian Houston, confessed to sexually abusing children. Their stance on LGBT rights is curious. And, irresistibly, the church was accused of helping stack Australian Idol votes by encouraging members to vote for Christian contestants.

Now they want to come to San Francisco, a fresh territory busting at the seams with new money and young minds. The idea to set up shop in the city came to Hillsong Pastor Ben Houston while he was in West Hollywood "dreaming and strategizing" about where else in the West he could go. "San Francisco is an amazing city! And the surrounding areas of Oakland, San Jose and beyond all combine to create a city of millions of people filled with so much potential," says Houston."The Bay Area is similar to LA in that you see the full breadth and diversity of humanity."

But not everyone is having it. Christian Nate J. Lee tells Gospel Ministries why.

"There is a war going on here that can't be seen or understood through the eyes of a naive, idealistic pastor. So when Ben Houston shows up in his overly-produced video saying, 'San Francisco is a city where we see great potential,' it's painfully clear that he has no idea of the context onto which his words fall," stated Lee.

"Guess who else saw 'great potential' in this city? The real estate agents, developers, and city officials who have destroyed neighborhoods, broken up families, and displaced poor people of color for their own idealized, dystopian visions for San Francisco."

Ouch.

But the realization of Hillsong SF remains a pipe dream for the megachurch. At least for now.

"As excited as I am about all that is ahead, I know that there is nothing that is going to be easy about this venture," says Hillsong pastor Ben Houston. "[San Francisco] is up there with the most expensive cities in the world. I sense that there could be a lot of spiritual opposition to The Church."

"Help Me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're My Only Hope" by Bob Horowitz.

A 44-year-old Tenderloin denizen has been sentenced to three years in prison for stalking and harassing a group of French nuns who run a soup kitchen on Turk Street. Dionn Taylor was accused of flashing and generally perving over the nuns, including one incident on the night of his arrest in November when a police officer observed him exposing his pubic area to the nuns through a window into the soup kitchen at 54 Turk Street.

Prosecutors say the chronically homeless man also harassed the nuns on the street, asked to kiss and have sex with them, urinated in front of them as they were walking past, and leaned inappropriately against their van. Taylor's defense attorney says it was all just a misunderstanding, that he didn't lower his pants intentionally the night of his arrest — it was just fashion, they were low-hanging "gym workout" pants. Also, when he allegedly asked to "sleep with" one of the nuns, he was merely asking for a place to sleep.

Taylor got the three years for violating the terms of a plea bargain he made in March, by not showing up for his court date on April 3. Subsequently, he was arrested two days later on drug charges, just a few blocks from the soup kitchen, and he's been in custody since, awaiting sentencing on May 2.

Taylor has previously been sentenced to prison four times, including a 2009 conviction for dealing crack.

[HuffPo]
[Examiner]

St. Peter and Paul Church View" by Demetrios Lyras.

The world might end on Saturday, May 21. Yep. Harold Camping, host of a local radio call-in show and Oakland false prophet, has made a prediction on the day of rapture. CBS reports: "The founder of Family Radio in Oakland - heard in 48 different languages around the globe - is behind the worldwide, multimillion dollar campaign letting people know that judgment day is coming on May 21, 2011." He anticipates an earthquake larger than the Japan quake - as well as all other sorts of doom/gloom. On Saturday, it is believed to be the day in which God beams his flock into heaven, leaving those of us (we're looking at you) to writhe in agony at the Devil's hands.

That, or throw a really bitchin' party.

Atheists are sponsoring "After Rapture parties" across the country on Saturday. "Non-believers will gather on Saturday to celebrate their prediction that the world will not end," reports the Associated Press. Zazzle even has some nifty, yet dangerous, styles to wear on the day of the final fetes.

Also, this Sacramento Craigslist poster wants your stuff on the big bad day. Behold:

Rapture on May 21st? I would like your stuff (Sacramento County)
Date: 2011-05-15, 4:08PM PDT
Reply to: xxx

Are you attending the rapture on May 21st, 2011? I expect to be left behind when it happens, so if you aren't going to need your worldly possessions; be they money, cars, canned food, durable goods, etc; I would gladly take them off of your hands. Serious responses only, please. And remember, time is short! You can contact me by replying to this ad. I live in Ronkonkoma, But I'm willing to travel for said goods.

How thoughtful.

And on that note, those of you looking to get rid of your mint-condition iPad 2, before being consumed by the powers of Hell, should contact your SFist editor posthaste.

Any other parties going on? Let us know in the comments. Thanks.

Dr. Jennifer Roback Morse, an anti-gay and mentally-unhinged traditional marriage activist, argues that the rainbow symbol, once a prism of God or whatever, should be reclaimed by confused proponents of Proposition 8, California's same-sex marriage ban.

Bigoted news site OneNewsNow has the details:

Dr. Jennifer Roback Morse of the San Diego-based Ruth Institute rightly argues that the rainbow is a sign of God's covenant with man, and she says proponents of Proposition 8 -- California's measure that passed in 2008 to define marriage as between a man and a woman -- are the original "rainbow coalition."

"Proposition 8 was passed by a great grassroots coalition that included people from all across the religious traditions, and also people of every race and color," Morse recognizes. "We are the real rainbow coalition. The gay lobby does not own the rainbow."

She tells OneNewsNow that she wore a rainbow-colored scarf to the Ninth U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals hearing on Proposition 8 as a statement to signify that supporters of traditional marriage still own the symbol.

And look! Here's a photo of her donning said scarf of many colors at a protest during the Ninth Court Circuit of Appeals.

To see which local businesses and individuals donated to support Prop 8, please visit EightMaps.com.

The God-fearing folks at San Francisco's St. Michael's Korean Catholic Church have more to fear this week: bell thievery. Over the weekend, it seems, someone stole their massive, church bell that weighs between 400 to 600 pounds. How rude.

"Churchgoers at the Broad Street and San Jose Avenue house of worship were shocked to discover the 110-year-old bell gone on Aug. 17, one day after a seminar at the church let out at around 11 p.m." reports SF Weekly. "Moving the antique bell was no trifling task: The item is described as being about four feet by four feet and weighing between 400 and 600 pounds."

If you've seen anyone lugging around a gargantuan bell, please contact St. Michael's at once.

Treasure Island is in need of a drastic makeover. The little swatch of land between SF and the East Bay is, for lack of a better work, harrowing. Which is why a "master plan for a showplace 21st century neighborhood on Treasure Island" is in the works. But, as with any city saddled with a population that fears getting older and thus loathes growth, not everyone is happy about the plan. It turns out that, according to SFGate, Treasure Island 2.0 won't "include room for a single church, synagogue or place of worship," which has John Elberling, director of the Treasure Island Development Authority, sad. "I don't think it's right," he explained. Read all about it.

Adam, a "straight" man who "was" gay, speaks out against homosexuality while lisping and wearing an ascot. Perfect. You can find more anti-God/anti-gay testimonials at Recycle Your Faith, a Christian-ish site featuring former gays spouting venom about the horrors of anal sex and disco re-mixes.

Way to kick off Pride week, eh?

[via The Awl, Joe.My.God]

The dainty gents at Mission Mission have word that this dog, at left, is missing. This dog, named Chirpa, is tiny and cute -- two of SFist's favorite things. And worse, he might have been stolen.

We cannot allow this to happen.

Please help find Chirpa, won't you?

According to his owner's Facebook page, "Chirpa disappeared Sunday night at 2am at 18th and Capp Street. We are very concerned for his well being and believe that he may have been stolen. He has medicine that he needs to take. Cash Reward for his safe return ASAP!"

If you know the whereabouts of this lovely pooch, check Chirpa's Facebook page for contact information.

"Faith" by Generik11 (found in SFist's Flickr pool.)

The Sunset District is magical.

Well, it was quite a weekend for abortion, wasn't it? The anniversary of Roe v. Wade brought out all kinds of fruits and nuts to show their support for either side of the abortion argument. One side being that a magical creature in the sky will send you to the big pot-au-feu below the Earth's crust if you terminate your pregnancy; the other being that there are too many people on the planet thus we need to find a way to get rid of a few. Or something like that.

Even though the Chronicle didn't give it the coverage they gave it last, columnist / on-air personality C.W. Nevius suggested we all ignore them. SF Mayor Nathan Ballard, or whatever you want to call him, tells C-Dub, "These people are just trying to provoke a reaction ... Why give them what they want? San Francisco is a famously tolerant city. To threaten or intimidate those we disagree with goes against everything the city of St. Francis represents."

Much to our dismay, however, neither a punch was thrown nor a a clump of hair pulled at the rally, which was met with a counter protest. Boo. The march, according to reports, was peaceful. At least more so this year than in the past.

But local photographer Ted Weinstein and Jim Herd braved the elements to to capture Saturday's fevered frenzy. Check out some scenes of child protesters, bloody aborted fetuses, creepy priests, acoustic guitarists, and the subversion of a Dr. Seuss classic.

We received an angry letter from an even angrier Prince fan today. (Yes, they still exist.) He or she says to SFist, "I think you're a real creep to print something like that. How would you like it if someone did that to you?" (To answer that question: we probably have it coming.) So,we went back and looked over our "Price Hates Gays" post, and now feel compelled to tell your the truthiness. Prince, it seems, was misquoted regarding his homophobic statements. Allegedly. "We're very angry he was misquoted," says our Prince insider. SFist regret the error. Because a celebrity's PR team holds more truth than a New Yorker journalist.