A man with a "multistate criminal history" has another item for his rap sheet, after he allegedly took a huge piss on the cabin floor of a plane shortly after it left San Francisco International Airport.

Officials don't know what 28-year-old Ludlow, Kentucky resident Jordan Robert Gardner (that's him on the right, in what looks like a casting shot for Justified, but is actually an undated booking photo provided by the North Carolina's Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department) was doing in the Bay Area last week, but it's clear that he ended his visit with a bang!

After what he described as "only" two double shots of vodka at a bar at SFO, Gardner boarded a Charlotte-bound plane Saturday night. That's when the trouble began. According to an affidavit filed by the FBI and reported by the Charlotte Observer, about an hour later Gardner "pulled his pants down, arched his back, and urinated on the floor of the airplane."

"The passenger sitting next to Gardner summoned a flight attendant, who saw Gardner pulling up his pants." Even though the deed had clearly been done, she sent him to the bathroom, where she found him passed out on its floor 15 minutes later.

"The flight attendant tried to clean the urine with club soda, but it still smelled when the plane landed at Charlotte Douglas," the Observer reports.

When the plane landed at 7:45 a.m. local time on Sunday, Charlotte-Mecklenburg police were there to greet him, and reported that they "could still smell alcohol on his breath 11 hours after the flight took off."

Then again, maybe it wasn't booze after all, as the FBI says that Gardner blamed the alcohol smell on "the gum he was chewing." Ah, yes, "Violent Vodka" Hubba Bubba! I know it well.

According to the FBI, Gardner has charges and arrests in multiple states "for things such as battery, trespassing, auto theft, passing bad checks, being under the influence and vandalism." And now he has a new one: A criminal complaint of destruction of aircraft, for which he will appear in Mecklenburg County court on Thursday.

When did you stop watching The Real World?* I, like many people of my era, was fascinated by the early seasons of the then-groundbreaking reality show that brought a gaggle of diverse young people together to bicker and bond...but let's face it, it died a long time ago and doesn't seem to know it.

I remember Season 1 (New York) as appointment viewing in my roommate-filled house, yelling at that country guy who never left the house in Season 2 (LA), and San Francisco's Season 3 was truly iconic, history-making TV.

London (Season 4) was neither here nor there, but I think I started losing patience with Season 5 (Miami) when the show started having more drunk-in-the-hot-tub than not. At some point after that I think I aged out of MTV's demo for the show, and it (unrelated to losing me as a viewer) jumped the proverbial shark with more drunken brawls, waxed and tanned bros, and night-vision hookups than anyone should be able to count.

Though there was a rumor that the show's second San Francisco season would be the end of the "unscripted" (heh, sure) dinosaur, that proved unfounded and the show, now a long-undead version of its original self, has stumbled on. Since then, however, it stopped identifying itself by city: 2014's SF-set season was subtitled "Ex-Plosion," 2015's was called "Skeletons," and "Go Big or Go Home" will premiere this March. And so it goes.

All this to say that later this month The Real World, will be coming to San Francisco to cast for an upcoming season (theme as yet unidentified, but my money's on "Manscaping" or maybe just "¯\_(ツ)_/¯"). According to the spokesperson who wrote to me about the casting, "they're always coming to SF to find the next big reality stars!" which must be why, when he first lived in the Bay Area, local author Dave Eggers famously auditioned for the show. (He was not chosen.)

This time, they are seeking "seven lucky strangers" whose names you will likely never remember, but who the casting note describes as "characters from real life; people with strong personalities who are unafraid to speak their minds."

"Most of all, we are looking for surprising and unusual life stories that have yet to be told on television." As if such things exist!

The open casting call will be held on Friday March 25 from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. at the all-too appropriate venue of Woodbury (685 3rd Street). Applicants must "bring a recent picture of themselves (which will not be returned)" and "must be 21 years or older by June 2016, and appear to be [hmmmmm interesting choice of words] between the ages of 20 and 24."

If you go, good luck and let us know how it goes.

* For those of you about to snootily comment "I never watched it," here you go.

Previously: MTV's Real World Premiered Twenty Years Ago Today, SF Installment Stands As Best Season

Redditors are agog today over a San Francisco-set photo of "cleverly named, pre-made cocktail kits in ziploc baggies" sold at a corner store, with some taking this as an indication that SF's "artisanal" culture had hit a new level of tweeness. But you and I know something (well, a lot of things) most of these pundits don't: Those bags of booze are old as hell, and they're called Cutty Bangs.

My husband, whose German family left Heidelberg for Shotwell and 24th in 1979, says he recalls similar plastic-bagged booze and mixer combos at stores up and down the block back in the day, and by 2010, Uptown Almanac described the practice as "the classic of all corner store hook ups."

Current mayoral candidate Broke-Ass Stuart took a deep dive on these plastic bags of hangover in 2011, in which he tried Bangs classics including the "Freak Me" (cranberry juice, Bacardi Melon, Watermelon Pucker, Cîroc vodka, and Tanqueray).

By 2012, the phenom was back on 24th (assuming it had ever truly left), at George's Market. I've since seen it — and I'm sure you have, too — at corner stores in the Excelsior, Ingleside and Parkside (never you mind why I'm hitting neighborhood booze stores. Never you mind).

And that takes us to yesterday, when a doubtlessly well-meaning Redditor appeared charmed and surprised by the "cleverly named, pre-made cocktail kits" at a Valencia Street liquor store, saying that he or she "thought it was sort of cute."

Cute? Sure, why not? New? No. Cultural appropriation? Maaaybe. But a sign of SF's fancy-pants cocktail culture hitting a new level of silliness? Not this time.

A 36-year-old visitor to SF is dead after plummeting through a skylight on a Mission District building.

Bay City News reports that at 4:20 a.m. Tuesday, medics and officers from the San Francisco Police Department were called to a residence on Shotwell Street near 14th Street.

When they arrived, they found a man lying on the floor of the garage of the building, apparently after falling through the skylight on the roof of the structure. He was pronounced dead at the scene.

According to Mission Local, the deceased man "had been drinking with a friend at 83 Shotwell Street" at the time of his fall.

Speaking to a resident of the building, Mission Local says that "The building has a rooftop deck that extends beyond the building and the man who plunged to his death walked to the other side of the roof that has no deck."

The fallen man, a 36-year-old visitor from Los Angeles, "was standing on the skylight - made of a plastic material - when it gave way and he fell one story onto the garage floor."

According to an SFPD spokesperson, foul play is not currently suspected, and "the case is in the hands of the Medical Examiner now."

Sober January / Dry January (as they call it in England) has been catching on in various U.S. cities in recent years as one way to balance out the decadent, functionally alcoholic lives that many of us lead. I decided to go for it this year for a variety of reasons that include a) Fall 2014 was especially boozy, b) my friends and I do quite a lot of drinking year-round and if my liver could talk it would say 'I hate you' on the regular, c) Sober November was a bit of a failure that only lasted ten days, and d) my birthday is in February and it's all downhill from there. This is not the first time I've taken multiple weeks off of the sauce, but there's something about the weirdness of January and the self-reflection that winter brings that's got me observing things a little more acutely this time around. So as I pass the mid-point of this most trying month, I thought I'd share.

Yes, I do feel more clear-headed, and mornings are nicer. That's great and all, but it's not like I spend the rest of the year hungover or anything, and it's not like I have a lot less trouble getting out of bed. The rewards, besides some potential weight loss, are mostly internal and therefore nothing to brag about, or get that excited about. People who gush about how terrific they feel on cleanses and such are mostly just convincing themselves it's worth it.

Not drinking is just... sort of boring. Though my friends in recovery have certainly found new ways to entertain themselves, it's a hard thing to navigate for those of us who don't especially enjoy early morning hikes or early morning runs or early morning anything. Or smoking pot, for that matter. I've always been a night person, and nights are for booze.

Friends will not be helpful. A couple examples of things said to me last night: "You're not fun like this," "I feel so bad for you right now," and "When is this charade going to stop?" Of course, having somebody sober around makes everyone who's drunk a little uncomfortable, so even if they're not shoving drinks in my hand they have their ways of making that discomfort known.

Bars, and the people in them, are much less fun. I feel absurdly awake and aware, standing around with my ginger beer, listening as everyone's voices get louder and their phrasing gets clumsier. It would be way more enjoyable if things were a bit more muted and confused, I was three bourbons in, and I was a part of the clumsy mass, shout-telling some story that has John Travolta as the punchline. But instead I stand apart, in silent judgment, like an asshole.

I do get more stuff done. Yes, some important home improvement projects are happening — pictures framed that have been waiting two years to be framed, floors mopped. I've even made some homemade bitters for the time when I will be able to drink again. Luckily they take over two weeks to steep. All of this has made me feel one third accomplished and two thirds a dork.

My moods are more steady, but also more dull. I consider myself a mostly emotionally stable person, but alcohol does have a way of bringing on the sads sometimes, and in the sober light of day I usually look back and think, 'Huh. That was just the booze bringing me down.' Without it, I can wipe away depressing thoughts a little more quickly, but also, I'm a lot less jovial and friendly in social situations. So, again: At what cost sobriety?!

It makes one spend a good deal of time rationalizing one's alcohol intake. This British guy articulated it pretty well in his recent piece in the UK Telegraph, "On the one hand, [my friends and I] are probably not alcoholics. Then again, we’re definitely not teetotalers either. We belong to an uncertain intermediate category. Alcohol is our drug, our way of dulling the pain of daily existence." Let's not all get maudlin about this pain — he's speaking a bit for literary effect. But come on now... admit it: many aspects of daily life are tedious, monotonous, and joyless. And the addition of a few drinks at the end of a workday, or a raucous, slightly unhinged weekend night out with friends adds some necessary humor and spice. In other news, I am not a homebody, and drinking is one of the obvious goals of being out on the town.

I crave dessert a whole lot more. Minus all that sugar and alcohol, my body keeps telling me it requires cookies. I've unfortunately obliged it.

I will, maybe, train myself to savor my drinks more. If there's nothing else that I learned from the boozy fall and this consequent break, it's that I've become such a professional drinker that I don't get drunk very fast, and I don't always pay attention to the wonder of the beverage in my hand. Given the deliciousness that awaits me, come February, I'm pledging not to mindlessly move hand to mouth the way some people mindlessly snack in front of the television, but I will give a little more care to what I'm tasting. Because drinking is good, and I've always been a happy drunk, and times of fasting and sacrifice like this have a way of making one appreciate the virtues of what one has given up. So, cheers to that with my Vitamin Water-bitter lemon mocktail! I'll see you back at the bar next month.

Yes, San Francisco is a city lacking a good amount of proper rooftop bars. Blame the glacial temperatures and wind come nightfall. But what we lack in rooftop binge drinking we more than make up for in watering holes with stellar vistas. Here now are our favorite bars with a view — some way up high, others closer to street level. (Be sure to share your favorites with us, too!)

The Starlight Room
Sitting 21 stories high above the Sir Francis Drake Hotel, the Starlight Room offers "cocktails from each decade since the inception of the cocktail itself" in addition to stellar views of the entire city. The best view, in my opinion, is right at the bar. (You can see the penthouses at some of the old luxury apartment buildings!) — Brock Keeling

The Top of the Mark
In the '40s, the top-floor bar was a favorite date spot for local servicemen. Nowadays, you're more likely to find tourists sampling from the more questionable choices on the 100-martini menu, but there's still no place in town that beats the sweeping views from Nob Hill. —Andrew Dalton
The InterContinental Mark Hopkins, 999 California (at Mason)

(Photo: Steve Rhodes)

Vesuvio
While it may not have the same altitude as some of the other bars on the list, Vesuvio still has an amazing view of City Lights — the bookstore, that is. After a couple rounds you'll be dizzy enough to be glad you're not much higher than the second-floor mezzanine overlooking Kerouac Alley and Columbus Avenue. —Andrew Dalton
255 Columbus (between Broadway and Pacific)

Photo: Courtesy of Coqueta

Bar 5 at Coqueta
Michael Chiarello’s James Beard Award-nominated Spanish restaurant on Pier 5 has one of the better venues for cocktails with a view on the Bay side of town. You’ll want to get in early or give your name to the host to snag one of the seats at the communal table, or grab one of the few seats at the bar. Skip the sangria and head for the more interesting stuff on the drink menu, like their selection of gin and tonic variations, or the SF-inspired Death to the Summer of Love, a combination of house-made hemp milk, Spanish brandy, absinthe, cava, and dandelions. Or, for a group, order a 500ml porron (traditional Spanish party pitcher with a spout that pours straight into everyone’s mouths) full of the Rebujito cocktail — manzanilla sherry, roasted lemon, and cinnamon soda. — Jay Barmann
Pier 5 (at Embarcadero and Washington)

Photo: Facebook

Waterbar
You won’t find a better place to impress a date, or your date’s parents, than Waterbar, where you’ll not only get some solid cocktails, an array of great oysters, and some top-notch local seafood, you will also get a perfect view of The Bay Lights from the bar, the patio, or pretty much anywhere in the restaurant. It’s not cheap, and the clientele tends more toward business-client dinners and well heeled elderlies from Atherton, but it’s also an underrated food destination where executive chef Parke Ulrich's dishes aren’t trying to condescend to tourists by any means. It’s also a great place to remember for sunny weekend afternoons when you need a place to unwind after a stressful trip to the farmer’s market. — Jay Barmann
399 The Embarcadero, near Folsom

Empress of China (photo: Andrew Dalton)

The Empress of China
This sixth-floor Chinatown bar also made it onto our list of best date bars, and with good reason—once you get through the ground-floor shops and iffy elevator, it's sexy as hell. Sip a cocktail or three as you gaze over Chinatown and North Beach, Coit Tower looming in the distance (hush, sometimes a Coit Tower is just a Coit Tower). As Andrew Dalton noted, it's hard not to get caught up in some sort of John Woo fantasy as you look off into the distance. "They'll never catch me the way they did Shrimp Boy," you'll think as you survey your domain. "Not alive, anyway." — Eve Batey
838 Grant Street between Washington and Clay

View from the Cliff House's bar by Jinjin T./Yelp

The Cliff House's Zinc Bar and Balcony Lounge
The Cliff House is a tourist attraction, it's true. But the views of the Pacific Ocean from the bars at the venues' two restaurants are breathtaking enough that you won't even notice all the SF-branded fleece in your midst. Some seats at their Zinc Bar (named thusly because it is covered in zinc, of course) might place you with your back to the ocean, but the "Balcony Lounge" that overlooks their Sutro's restaurant offers one of the finest boozy views you'll find of Ocean Beach's rocky coast. While people pack this place on sunny days, you're smarter than that: go when it's gloomy or overcast, as that's when the ocean is at her most moodily gorgeous. — Eve Batey
1090 Point Lobos Ave

You're basically drinking outside, but without all the yucky outside stuff, at Park Chalet. Photo: Joan T/Yelp

Park Chalet
If Ghostbusters had been set in San Francisco instead of New York, Rick Moranis would have been yelling "nice doggie!" outside of Park Chalet, not Tavern on the Green. Yes, just upstairs diners at Beach Chalet are gazing upon Ocean Beach, but the positioning of their bar leaves drink-seekers craning their necks for a view of the outdoors. There's no craning necessary downstairs at Park Chalet, where the entire room (glass ceiling included) is looking out on Golden Gate Park. It's also a great place for serious beer drinkers, as brewmaster Aron Deorsey oversees a list of eight housemade brews. Order their Sampler Set (it's only $13) to try them all as you watch GGP silently kick Central Park's ass. — Eve Batey
1000 Great Highway

The view at The View. (Yelp)

The View
Well, my favorite thing to do at The View was to start out with a couple cocktails, saddle up to a table by the gargantuan window, and then gaze into the private residences at the Four Seasons next door. "Who are these sons of bitch," I'd demand, in between gulps. "And why don't they invite me to their awful yet fabulous dinner parties with tiny forks? Assholes." Stewing on one's own bitterness or not, The View offers some of the best sweeping vistas in San Francisco. Though the menu is a touch dated, this SoMa/downtown staple inside the Marriott (not-so affectionately nicknamed "the jukebox") pours heavy, large drinks (if memory serves) and can turn almost any awkward date into a romantic one. Best during sunset.
55 4th Street at the San Francisco Marriott Marquis Hotel

It doesn't look like much, sure, but once you're up there, you'll have a grand old time watching passersby. (Photo: Google Street Views)

Those two seats by the window on the mezzanine level at Twin Peaks Tavern
Views of the Bay? Barf. Views of the Bay Bridge? Shove it. Views of our glorious, sparkling cityscape? Kindly go to Hell. The best bar view is of YOU. My favorite bar view in the city, when I used to throw back seven gin martinis in one sitting, was on the mezzanine level at Twin Peaks Tavern, right next to the window. On the nexus of Castro, Market and 17th, there's no place better to watch cute gents, naked dudes, and your drunk friends stumble along. Wave hi to that hot guy you've always liked. Throw shade at that Stockton queen in an A&F v-neck, sporting frosted tips. Open the window and ask those two conservative-looking Hastings Law students to make out on the sidewalk, all for your disturbing voyeuristic pleasure. This is an interactive view. folks. (Also, take a deep whiff once inside the mezzanine's bathroom. The window is next to the air vent at Hot Cookie. It reeks of cookies in there.) — Brock Keeling
401 Castro (at 17th Street)

You guys, 2013 is almost over. How was it? Did it have a nice finish? Was it full-bodied? Crisp? As for me, not that you asked, 2013 ruled. The best year ever, if I can be frank. And as Frank, my dear, I'd like to tell you where to go tomorrow night. Let's see...

American Tripps
Allan Hough of Mission Mission brings his acclaimed ping-pong frivolity to SoMa's Folsom Street Foundry. When asked to tell SFist more, Mr. Hough revealed all: "Well, I have some pals that are in a band together and they wanted to do something really crazy for New Year's Eve, so we brainstormed, and they came up with the idea of playing nothing but Talking Heads songs! So they've been practicing constantly for the last couple months, getting great at all the best Talking Heads songs, and they've added a couple new members, including Natalie Galatzer of Bike Basket Pies on backing and lead vocals!" Also except Berlin-style ping pong all night long, some skeeball action, Nick Pal (of Mission Mission) and BFF.fm spinning power pop, DJ JustStella, DJ Elisa Rocket, and more.
1425 Folsom; 415-795-3644

Beatpig
Juanita More and Walter Gomez will host a sweaty fete at the Powerhouse. Loads of love and loads of other stuff await you at this Folsom Street party. Come for the DJing, stay for the back room antics.
1347 Folsom; 415-552-8689

Business New Year's Eve Stand-Up Spectacular
Something familiar? Something peculiar? Something for everyone? Comedy tonight tomorrow night! Local comedians Caitlin Gill, Nato Green, Sean Keane, Anna Seregina, Bucky Sinister, and Chris Thayer will all try to make you piss your pants with glee tomorrow night. Lucky you.
The Dark Room (2263 Mission); 415-401-7987

Big Queer New Year's Eve
Look at that, everything interesting seems to be happening on Folsom this year. Typical. And with that, we give you our final Folsom Street offering, a Big Queer New Year's Eve. Allow Marke B. to spill the details. Ahem: "The gorgeous House of Babes presents this pink hip-hop blowout, hosted by Kelly Lovemonster and Krylon Superstar, with tunes by DJs Pink Lightning, Rapidfire, Boyfriend, Jenna Riot, davO, and more. Get on it!"
1192 Folsom

Bars
Any place pouring booze will be open for business. You know this.

Restaurants
They'll be serving food, champagne ("champagne") toast at midnight. Call your favorite joint for details. Tip well, too.

House parties
I cannot recall, but is San Francisco still a city where one can just walk into any house party? Was San Francisco ever a city where one could do this? Maybe it was just me. Oops. Anyway, spam your friends today for good house party options tomorrow. And don't be the dick who brings the rum. There's always one at every party. Rum is gross, you monster.

80’s New Year’s Eve Dance (SOBER)
Looking for a sober event? Then head to the Castro and dance to '80s hits. From 8pm-9pm you can hit an AA/Al-Anon meeting, then from 9:30pm-1:30am you can dance until 2014 smacks you in the ass.
Harvey Milk Civil Rights Academy (4235 19th Street)

New Year's Eve Fireworks at the Embarcadero
Arrive early. For the best view, according to Fun Cheap SF, "head south of the Ferry Building along the Embarcadero for the best view. Fireworks kick of right at the stroke of midnight." Beware of crowds, people from OUTSIDE THE CITY. (Horrors!)

Stay at home
Though we do not recommend drinking alone at home, calling it an early night could be your safest bet.

With much trepidation, San Francisco played host to yet another round of SantaCon, that time of year wherein folks, replete with yuletide attire, get wasted during a massive bar crawl and then vomit all over the place. But was it really that bad this year? Nah, it was just a lot of fun. "You can just feel that everyone is having a good time," 47-year-old Emily Salmon-Pezely tells SF Chronicle. "It's just silly and enjoyable."

Folks wore the classic Santa garb. We saw many discarded Kris Kringle belts and hats strewn about the city on Saturday. LIke scenes from a Santa massacre. Attendees also partied pretty hard well into the wee hours. Up in Nob HIll later that night, we saw at least one woman pass out into a taxi, the aforementioned barf scene, and one santa bro walking into oncoming traffic. (Daytime drinking, if we recall, is the worst!)

Erik Wilson snapped some shots of the revelry from Saturday's Christmas-y scene. Enjoy. And see you again in 2014.

What started out in 1994 by the San Francisco Cacophony Society as a festive, charity-driven Christmas outing has since turned into a cavalcade of drunk pricks and slutty Santa garb. And public urination. Not to mention groping. (Must the disease that is modern-day Halloween infect other holidays as well!?) So much so, in fact, that its founder, who goes by the sobriquet Santa Rob, said in a recent interview with Gothamist regarding the party's NYC festivities, "I wouldn't care if New York banned it. I don't like the violence or the assholishness that happens ... go do something else."

San Francisco, please turn Santa Rob's frown upside down.

Tomorrow, Saturday December 14th, marks the annual SantaCon revelry. While we implore you to get as wacky as you wanna be, we ask you to use some decorum. Scratch that, use lots of decorum. Be joyous, not atrocious. Festivities start at noon. Meet at Union Square, prepare to give your (rad) toy to the fire truck, mingle with an array of other santas, and then head out to one of the routes.

More details:

Here’s what you need to do. Bring a toy to with you to Union Square. There will be a SFFD fire truck parked outside of the Handlery Union Square Hotel, located at 351 Geary Street. This is about five doors away from Union Square (here is a map if you need a visual aid) and conveniently just a few doors away from Lefty O’Douls.

You drop your toy off at the fire truck. The truck will be parked there from 11:30 AM to 1:30 PM so do this first, as soon as you get to Union Sq. Folks from the SFFD will be on hand to collect your toy. Cash donations are OK. Just make sure you only give cash to uniformed SFFD personnel. Here are the guidelines for toys.

1. Bring something for a kid 12 years old or under.
2. Bring a NEW toy, not some piece of crap you have lying around the house. Put some effort into it OK?
3. Don’t wrap it.
4. For girls they especially need gifts for older girls. Arts and Crafts kits and dolls are in high demand. For boys they need sports equipment. Don’t get all PC and lecture Santa about toys and gender roles. Give the kids what they want.

Also, five important points about behavior tomorow:

1. Don’t Fuck with police.
2. Don’t Fuck with kids.
3. Don’t Fuck with security.
4. Don’t Fuck with bartenders.
5. Don’t Fuck with Santa.

Have fun. Be safe. Don't be a monster. Don't abuse passersby. Don't piss on the sidewalk. Read the rules. READ THEM AGAIN. Have a Merry Christmas, kids.

We already know San Francisco is a town full of drunks (we were named the 18th drunkest city in an least one click-bait-y survey earlier this year), but our collective drinking habit might also be taking a toll on something other than your liver. According to a new study from the Centers for Disease Control, excessive drinking amongst Californians cost the Golden State $32 billion in a single year.

Binge drinking, as you probably learned in health class, is defined by the CDC as five or more drinks in one occasion for men and four or more for the ladies. According to the study's authors, the costs associated with excessive drinking are the result of "losses in workplace productivity" (working hungover) and "health care expenses" (getting sick because you drank too much). They also factored in criminal justice expenses like dealing with DUIs and property damage caused by drunk assholes. The study, which used data from 2006, the most recent available, also adds somewhat depressingly:

Researchers believe that the study’s findings are underestimated because it did not consider a number of other costs, such as those due to pain and suffering by the excessive drinker or others who were affected by the drinking.

Ouch.

Heavy drinking actually costs Washington D.C. $1,662 per person — the highest in the nation — but as the country's most populated state, California takes the honor of spending the most money to deal with our citizenry's drinking habits.

Another thing to drink to at happy hour tonight.

[CDC]

Three new bars debuted in the last week. First up there's the highbrow beer-focused Mikkeller Bar (34 Mason Street), in the former Crash Club space at Mason and Market. It's a co-production of a local beer guy, Chuck Stilphen of Oakland’s The Trappist, and cult-famous Danish brewer Mikkel Borg Bjergsø (who also owns three Mikkeler Bars and a brewery in Denmark). There are almost 50 beers on offer at any given time, with 42 on tap and a handful by the bottle, with a heavy focus on European brews as well as Mikkeller brews, including several brewed specifically for the S.F. location like a Tenderloin Pilsner, and a TenderBrown Ale. See the full beer menu as of Friday's opening via Inside Scoop SF.

Also, there's a food menu, focused on sausages and charcuterie, from chef Michael O'Brien.

Mikkeller Bar is open nightly from 5 p.m. to midnight, and until 2 a.m. Thursday to Saturday.

Driftwood, which replaces Kok Bar on Folsom (in the space that was legendarily home to leather bars the Ramrod and My Place), has also just opened, featuring a cocktail menu and laid-back vibe. The DNA of half a century ago has been scrubbed off and painted over in the back room, which is now home to a living room-like setup with a new wood floor. But, in a nod to its past, the new owners have held on to a 2.5-foot-tall carved wood penis sculpture that's been an icon of the place for years. See some photos over at Eater.

And yesterday marked the opening of the revamped Dogpatch Saloon (2496 3rd Street at 22nd) from the team of guys behind 83 Proof. You'll also find a new cocktail menu here, with a dozen original creations, and a remodeled interior featuring things like a piece of old Muni track salvaged for use as a bar rail. See some more details via Eater.

We've always had a soft spot for rosé, the pink-headed stepchild of white and red wines that's a regular fixture on the bridal shower circuit. So we were glad to see the Chronicle's exhaustive rundown on the best rosés of this year, which has apparently brought "a perfect storm of rosé" our way.

Although rosé has been trendy for a few years now -- New York Times ran a popular 2006 piece, which got picked up in the LA Times; and Drinks Business called rosé one of the top 10 wine trends of the "last three years" -- it seems to have gotten even classier since the last time we drank it hot and straight from the bottle while reclining in a partially-deflated inner tube. So much so, in fact, that the Chronicle's reviewers divided their list into four distinct sections. Do you like your rosé "fresh and friendly" or "quiet and thoughtful"? Or do you prefer it "hearty & rambunctious", like the large and energetic puppy of the pink wine world? We wouldn't know what to say to a rosé "with some gravitas," but we'd start by putting on a shirt and shoes.

Want to follow the pink wine trend, but don't quite know where to start? Here are our five easy rosé picks for summer:

• That special pink magic that happens when you pour some white wine into a glass that has a little leftover red wine in it.
• The rosé from the goodie bag you won at your cousin's bachelorette/bridal/baby party.
• That one bottle of orange wine you bought when orange wine was the new thing, seen through rose-tinted glasses.
• Twist-top rosé in a picnic basket at the beach. Variety irrelevant.
• Pink lemonade and vodka.

In all seriousness, if you want a good recommendation, we point you toward Baxter Winery in Anderson Valley. They produce some of the finest rosés in California if not the world.

Just remember, pink novices, a white zinfandel is not a rosé. Words to live by.

[Chronicle]

Big, one of our favorite bars in the city, will soon call it quits — June 15th, to be exact. You have almost exactly one month to check out the smallest little bar of cute (the owners and bartenders would HATE that descriptive) in the world. It's tough — built Ford tough, one might say — but also downright darling. A seamless mix of two opposing elements, really. Chaos, control, chaos, control.

For starters, the drinks made there are some of the best in the city. And the stemware is as gorgeous as it is diverse. (Who care about stemware? WE CARE ABOUT STEMWARE.) And secondly, Tango & Stache will be there tonight (disclosure: your SFist editor often works with T&S on weeknights, helping take your cash for savory, booze-soaking food), serving espolon-braised pork on duck fat tostada shells, with spicy slaw, fried duck egg and fresh horseradish (for $9) and fried pig ears too boot.

We should point out the, however slim, a reprieve is possible. Stay tuned.

Head over to Big at 761 Post (at Leavenworth), S.F.