So what happened over the weekend in sports? The Raiders looked impressive, the 49ers not so much. In baseball, the Giants played some of their best baseball of the season while the A's played some of their worst. We, however, missed it all as we got suckered into the Lord of the Rings Trilogy on TNT and spent most of the weekend online debating the question of who would win a fight between Dumbledore and Gandalf. For the record, Gandalf totally would--Dumbledore just helped defeat some wizard who looked like a snake. Gandalf helped defeat a giant, flaming eyeball.

Now onto the sports

The 49ers- the Niners lost to Da Bears in a preseason game and did not look particularly good in the process. Both teams played their main players throughout the first half of the game and it wasn't very close during it. The Niners made the game closer towards the end but by that part of the game, the only people were playing were the third string players and the towel boys. But then again, preseason football doesn't mean anything.

The Raiders- the Raiders offense didn't look so hot, Daunte Culpepper didn't look so bad, and the Raiders D looked exceptional in beating the Rams' second string. But then again, preseason football doesn't mean anything.

The Giants- Get this, they swept a team this weekend, a good team, in fact-- the Brewers. SFist was of two minds about this weekend series. On the one hand, go Giants. On the other hand, we're rooting for the Brew Crew in the NL Central race and this didn't help. It was a pretty crazy series too featuring lots of offense, another pitcher hitting a home run, a Barry Bonds home run followed by a Barry Bonds faux pas on the bases, a late inning rally on Sunday's game, and the emergence of Kevin Correia as a starting pitcher.

The A's- how cool is Wikipedia? We have no idea if their info on Julius Caesar or Napoleon is in any way correct, but we're pretty sure their info on the complete history of Middle Earth or Gandalf’s biography is top-notch. Why do we bring this up? Because it's much better to talk about this than the A's weekend, when they got shellacked three in a row by the D-Rays. Sure, now that the season is late, the Rays are probably more dangerous now than when things matter for them but considering the A's looked like they were going to turn the corner, this didn't go well. Not even Dan Haren was able to do the do that he do and got shelled on Sunday. Total runs given up by the A's pitching staff in three straight games? 33.

Brewers 7 Giants 5- There's a scene in the Producers (the original) in which after the play becomes a hit, a forlorn and stunned Gene Wilder goes through receipts of all the shares that's been divied out and reads each one out loud as he realizes the true magnitude of how much money he and Bialystock owe. We imagine that's how Peter Magowan feels everytime Barry Zito pitches. "$126 million for seven years...$18 million a season....$700,000 per game...."

Orioles 2 A's 0- Now that we've finished "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" we feel really sad. Now what do we have to look forward to? In the place of something that gave us a lot of warm feelings, we have nothing but this big huge, empty hole. Kind of like the A's offense.

The book was good--scary and intense and all sorts of dark and epic.

A's 5 Reds 3- Dan Haren won his ninth game as the A's beat the Reds to take the series and insure themselves of a winning record in interleague play. The A's hit a home run (by the resurgent Jack Cust), played some small ball, were patient at the plate, and did all those things that winning baseball teams do. But while the Reds are kind of easy picking, the A's are off to Shea to take on the Mets. That should be kind of fun. Enjoy A's fans.

A's 6 Reds 1- It looks like as long as the A's play the Reds and not the Red Birds, all is well with the world. Joe Blanton did the pitching deed this time and pitched a brisk two hour game to get his seventh win. The fun news in A's-land however, is that the NY Times spent part of their Sunday sports section ruminating on what Billy Beane could possibly do with the revenues from their big, shiny new stadium. Shorter story: the rest of baseball should be afraid, very afraid.

Let the PR horns boldly announce it from the highest rafters: The second Don Nelson era is off to a flying start.

Last night, the Warriors beat up on Turkish squad Efes Pilsen in their first preseason game of the 2006-2007 season. The final score was 120-66, and it wasn't that close. The Warriors were already up 28 at half time -- ah, that has a nice ring to it. The Brewers, from the vaunted Turkish First Division, aren't a premier European team by any stretch, and that's even if they had key players Baris Ermis, Antonio Granger and Nikola Prkacin, none of whom made the trip from Istanbul. But and yet, they lost by only 16 to Denver on Tuesday, and they did just nab their seventh Presidential Cup, so . . .

. . . so it's better than losing, but let's just keep things in perspective. This is the equivalent of USF scheduling Division II cupcakes like Cal State Stanislaus and Sonoma State to puff up their confidence before heading into conference play. No complaints here -- the Warriors can use all the puffing they can get -- but this game should in no way be used to validate the return of new/old coach Don Nelson or his small-ball system.

Before the game though, Nellie wasn't seeing it that way. "This is called an ass-whooping game" Nellie boasted, "we're going to open up a can of ass whoop and see what happens." (Note to Nellie: We believe the proper phrase is, "open up a can of whoop-ass.") And ass whup they did. Killer Warriors blog Golden State of Mind was in the house last night and reported that team looked sharp and fast, with Monta Ellis, Andres Biedrins, and Dujuan Wagner looking particularly good. Even franchise centerpiece Mike Dunleavy looked competent. In fact, seven Warriors scored in double digits as Nellie used more different combinations and looks in the first half of this game than former coach Mike Montgomery used in the last two years.

If only Efes Pilsen was in the Pacific Division instead of the Suns and Lakers. Image from the Türkiye Radyo Televizyon web site.

It looks like Bud Selig's Barry Bonds voodoo doll is working as last night, before the Giants 2-0 victory over the Brewers, Barry was bonked on the head by a foul ball in batting practice. After all, having Barry hit 715 in the Home of Bud would be the worst possible PR debacle, not to mention total karma. The ball was hit by rookie Kevin Fransden, already making a name for himself with his bone-headed base-running blunders and propensity for being hit by pitches, who joked that he was expecting his locker to be cleared out after batting practice was over. The whole thing was so weird and out-of-nowhere that nobody reacted or did anything until Barry went down on the ground and was treated by the Giants' trainers.

Bruce Jenkins' writes that with Barry two behind the Babe, the Curse of the Bambino is rearing it's ugly head again. Deadspin, meanwhile, goes with the obvious "Seinfeld" reference and jokes that it's further proof that Barry's got a big head. We tried looking for the video of it, but couldn't find one. KTVU, however, does have the entire thing in freeze-frame style.

While Milwaukee fans have been rather mellow in their Bonds hating, up next is Philadelphia, a place that makes the Lion's Den seem like a quant little tea party. There's an actual internet campaign brewing in Philly to have fans head for the concession stands every time Barry is at bat. We'd like to see that actually, as we all know deep down, everybody wants to see the dude hit. Besides, having been to the stadium in Philly, we know that most of the concession stands, or at least the super-important one's (read super yummy Rick's Cheese Steaks) is so close to the field of play that people in line occasionally have to dart out of the way of home run balls. We're not sure if heading to those concession stands would count.

Yeah, the Giants lost the season opener last night 6-1 as Jake Peavy shut the Black & Orange down, but that, of course, isn't what everyone is talking about. In something that should be par for the course this season, anything the Giants do will have two components to it-- how the Giants do and what happens to Barry. Barry lined the first pitch he saw for a double and scored the first Giants' run of the season (brought in by Lance Niekro, hopefully a good omen) but didn't do much else.

But that's not the big story, the big story is how the Padre fan's treated the Barry. And the answer is not well. He was booed mercilessly, one of those outfield knothole type things in Petco Park's outfield was closed to keep the crowd under control, and a needle-less syringe was thrown at Barry during the game. All this in San Diego, not a place known for it's vociferous and tough fans. One could only imagine what befalls Barry in places like New York or Philly. In something we're sure will become a recurring theme to the season, after the game, Giants players not named Barry Bonds became annoyed at all the questions asked about their reaction to the fans reaction to Barry. And all this captured on camera for Barry's reality show, which airs tonight on ESPN2 at five and for which we TOTALLY FORGOT TO SET TIVO FOR.

But as Jim Caple pointed out on ESPN, with all the harassment came all the usual shadings and grayness and hypocrisies in all this. Fans booed lustily, but stuck it out through the ninth inning to watch Barry bat one more time. Consider this the start of another season-long theme. Caple also mentions that he got a letter from a Giants fan saying how he wore a Bonds jersey to a game in San Diego only to be harassed by a Padres fan wearing a Ken Caminiti jersey. Caminiti, of course, famously admitted on the cover of S.I. that he took steroids. Pads fans also cheered Mike Piazza when he hit a home run and there's been rumors following Piazza that he took something in the ass different from what the usual rumors are. Oh, and the new Brewers closer is one of the few players to have tested positive steroids, way back in '03.

In a way, it's fitting Barry is doing the reality show because he's become the perfect reality TV show star, someone who everyone hates yet can't keep from paying attention to. Right now, he is to baseball what Omorosa was to the "Apprentice" and to what Veronica and Rachel was to the "Real World/Road Rules" challenges. Clap your hands and say "yeah!"