Before we post a few festive Valentine's Day events -- you know, fun ones with other lonely single folks; parties that will, hopefully, keep you from taking the final Nestea plunge over the Golden Gate Bridge -- let's commiserate on those who have broken our hearts. For Friday fun, share with us in the comments the most bizarre and/or depressing way in which somebody broke your heart. Or, if you must, how you viciously broke someone else's. And why. Did you do it via text? Did you fire her just so she would breakup with you? Did the crazy bitch slice open an artery in your bathroom? Did you lie and say you were gay?

We've all been there before, having our egos shattered to shards. So please take a minute to vomit up your inner most moments of anguish in our comments.

We'll start. Ahem:

Over the phone he said,"This is going to sound mean, but redheads really gross me out. Your hair sketches me out big time. Sorry."

Now it's your turn.

1. "A truly great breakup song should be filled with so much rage that the subject could include it as Exhibit A in his or her restraining order." Hartlaub cites "You Oughta Know" by Alanis Morisette as an example, which -- try as we might -- we couldn't beat. We'd be lying if we said we haven't sung this song once or twice in our car, at the top of our lungs, with the windows rolled up.

2. "A good breakup song should also cycle wildly between moments of false sincerity, emotional instability and self-pity." Hartlaub goes with "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover" by Paul Simon. Well, if Hartlaub is going to start off with pop musician Alanis Morisette, then we'll keep going with that and pull out Lily Allen's "Smile" as an example of this. Allen cycles between self-pity, crazy "...you messed up my mental health" and some serious, serious schadenfreude.

3. "Groveling is another hallmark of great breakup music." Phil Collins' "Against All Odds" is the clear winner here. We cry on the inside when we hear this song.

Altogether, we thought Hartlaub's five picks were great. Personally, we used to cry ourselves to sleep with anything Coldplay, especially "Warning Sign" before we moved onto "Angry Breakup Music." Like listening to Linkin Park's Hybrid Theory while running furiously on a treadmill at the gym, post-breakup. Err. But we digress.

Picture from pawpaw67.